heat shimmers wavered
full moon shone bright
full moon shone bright
earth that's summer baked
from the balcony last night
from the balcony last night
full moon shone bright
lights of a far off city flickered
from the balcony last night
between bright and faint glimmer
lights of a far off city flickered
the air felt rooted
between bright and faint glimmer
somehow expectant
The air felt rooted
I've lost concord
somehow expectant
with moon force
I've lost concord
when body alliance moved
with moon force
in sun's heat from moon's cool
when body alliance moved
I'm kept marooned, bereft
in sun's heat from moon's cool
this forty year connection left
I'm kept marooned, bereft
to find fresh ways to ferret
this forty year connection left
earth wisdom I search, detect
to find fresh ways to ferret
accords unknown, now emerged
earth wisdom I search, detect
with deeper light, shifted yet effulgent
accords unknown, now emerged
earth that's summer baked
with deeper light, shifted yet effulgent
heat shimmers wavered
This post is in response to dVerse Poets prompt from Samuel Peralta in Form For All: Pantoum. He has great examples and directions on how to do this difficult but challenging type of poetry.
(photo from Google Images)
This post is in response to dVerse Poets prompt from Samuel Peralta in Form For All: Pantoum. He has great examples and directions on how to do this difficult but challenging type of poetry.
(photo from Google Images)
I love how this form allows a slow revelation of why the speaker is there and what she seeks. Very powerful. Feels True. Sad and hopeful that earth will give strength or even answer.
ReplyDeleteI almost put the label "true story" on this one.
Deletei like how you draw us into the scene and then slowly go from what is soon to what you feel, let us in into your thoughts and i agree with susan, it feels very true..
ReplyDeleteThis form actually helped that come through. I see how I could do it differently by reading so many others but I liked the process. I've learned so much from the dVerse Poets prompts and teachings. Thanks for co-hosting it.
Deletespeaking of the moon, lol
ReplyDeleteIt was beautiful last night. I had to go out and try to get a good picture of it.
It sparked this poem as I watched it on my balcony.
DeleteLovely cycle here - the poem develops a kind of urgency and then cools again = very nice movement. Well done.
ReplyDelete(Yes, I think punctuation would help in terms of getting your meanings and pauses across, but they do work also without it.) k.
Reading yours helped my learning curve! I'll play with it some more with what I know now. Using this form brought out another dimension to this poem. Thanks for your feedback.
ReplyDeletenice...you went longer than i by far...ha...but its cool you took your time with it and unveiled the scene and then your feelings...i dont do well put in a box...smiles.
ReplyDeleteI'm still a learner with all this and appreciate how dVerse balances teaching with prompts. I've learned so much. It makes me want to try out the new forms and this form ended up helping the poem.
DeleteYes, you've discovered that one wonderful thing about the pantoum form is that it provides a structure for a gradual revelation, for a deeper interpretation of the theme as the length of the poem extends. This is why I love long pantoums, I've never felt that the exploration was enough if I stopped at three, four, or five stanzas. And you, too, use this to great effect here. Good job.
ReplyDeleteThanks and thanks for being so generous with your information and your step by step process. I learned and found a way to advance the poem. I'm grateful.
Delete