18 November 2013

Tanka


Clouds cluster on hills,
rain streams for days without cease
drives birds from the sky.
When you left all air went too.
Skies gray, leaves fall without sound.

Yesterday, Kerry posted a third article on Tanka over at Imaginary Gardens with Real Toads. It took me a while so I'm posting this for open link Monday.


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12 comments:

  1. Susan19 November, 2013 01:47

    I can relate to the gasping for breath when beauty leaves.

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  2. Peggy19 November, 2013 04:17

    Excellent tanka I think--from what little I know about the tanka. Very clear scene then switch to the leaving.

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  3. Sally Wessely19 November, 2013 05:41

    I love this!

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  4. Jim19 November, 2013 05:50

    Nice Tanka, Mary. Nicely written. It fits all that I've read about them. Many I read doesn't have the third line making the principal statement but instead wait until the fifty. The subject is to be quickly changed with another principal statement for the fifth line, yet the last two, 4th and 5th, fit in with the first three. Perfect here.
    ..

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    1. Jim19 November, 2013 06:11

      Seems we've been all over Italy but haven't been to Pescara. I think that the closest we've been is Assisi, Perugia, Italy. It must be very lovely there on that part of the east coast. I have been across the Adriatic staying in Dubrovnik for three days. I suppose they have similar climates and that each is a beautiful old place.
      ..

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  5. Marian19 November, 2013 16:23

    whoosh! this is fantastic!

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  6. Kerry O'Connor19 November, 2013 17:40

    What a wonderful evocation of the landscape - you have captured the stillness of the soul during a time that follows loss.

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  7. Claudia19 November, 2013 20:06

    very cool...haven't read a tanka in a while... great capture of fall mood an leaving...

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  8. Vanessa Victoria Kilmer20 November, 2013 20:01

    A very moody piece. Lovely.

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  9. Brian Miller24 November, 2013 21:50

    nice use of the weather to set the stage in this for the turn...their leaving...felt piece...

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  10. Anonymous24 November, 2013 23:22

    Ah lovely--I had a very hard time with this and didn't even get the lines right--yours has that feel of all life/air being sucked away when love is gone. Thanks, Mary. k.

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  11. Terra 25 November, 2013 04:57

    Drives birds from the sky, now that evokes an emotion and a scene.

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