Since the relatives that I was visiting in Ireland live in County Clare, a country area, the custom of a home wake still prevails. It was the wife's brother who died unexpectedly at age 64 while I was there. Since many of you asked, I would like to share about this wonderful custom.
The wake is a grand send-off for the loved one who has died, a time when the body of the deceased rests in the family home with family and close friends keeping vigil through the days and nights before the burial. It ends when the body is taken from the home for the last time and moved to the local Church for the funeral. People come from near and far to take part in celebrating the life of the departed and providing comfort to the family. There's laughter as people tell their favorite stories and share their best memories. There are tears for the loss of a family, friend or community member or in sorrow for those left behind.
The deceased is dressed in their best clothes, taken home, surrounded by candles, never left alone, remembered, celebrated and cherished. Food is dropped off by neighbors and friends for those who gather. Family, friends, relatives, neighbors and acquaintances come, offer their condolences, sit together, eat, drink and talk together. Music is played, the mirrors in the house are covered and the clocks are stopped at the time of the death. Close friends and neighbors volunteer to fix food and clean up in the kitchen, care for children if needed or run errands. The family is supported, the deceased is honored, it's done in company.
It seems like such a good way to grieve.
JOURNEY INTO ELDERHOOD: It's a journey with many stops along the way and enriched by the people I meet. So, stop in and visit. You're welcome...
I agree with you in many ways. I think it shows great love and the how important the support of the community is for all areas of life and death.
ReplyDeleteThis happens in communities that are close and have the same traditions. It is nothing like these in our modern cities, where few people know each other, where families and friends live so far apart from each other, where people pay funeral homes to "take care" of all the arrangements.
ReplyDeleteThe Irish way seems so humanizing, in its collective aknowledgement of our final ending.
It's a lovely tradition - carried on in this country in rural areas until recent times. It's a shame that such things fade away no one has time to support the 'old ways'.
ReplyDeleteMy friend Emily had the equivalent of a wake when we got together for food and drink after the service. It was a huge party, and although there were lots of tears, laughter was predominant. Thanks so much for sharing what a REAL Irish wake is like.
ReplyDeleteSally, Yes, especially important at such a difficult time.
ReplyDeleteRosaria, I found it remarkable in its difference. All who knew and loved that person takes care of him or her and the family. Seemed so right.
Lou, Yes, some traditions are worth preserving. This one was lovely, deeply sustaining.
DJan, I like the laughter as folks remember and tell their stories. Actually I also like the tears and that everyone is so okay with them.
Such a time honored way to remember and honor and give comfort. So glad you were able to be there.
ReplyDeleteThe last week has been a little like that at Margo's house. So may friends coming over bringing goodies and love. Such a shame Margo can't remember most of it :) Trinis are big on Wakes, too, and I thought how nice it is to be able to wine and dine a loved one while they are still alive.
ReplyDeleteI hope the weather in Ireland isn't as bad as here on the South Coast!
Vigorously nodding my head in agreement with all the comments above.
ReplyDeleteLauren, Me too.
ReplyDeleteNan, It was! The first weekend was nice and then- rain and cold. It was 7 degrees when I left- in June! 21 when I got to Italy. Saying prayers for Margo- and you and Bunty. Has to be hard…
FG, Thanks for stopping by. Read your post for today and I love bok choy- my all time favorite veggie.
We are attending just such a celebration this afternoon. My husband reminds me that death is a part of life, and sharing sadness and memories with friends and family kind of completes the circle.
ReplyDeleteLinda, I like your husband's perspective.
ReplyDeleteSuch a tradition surely makes the loss a bit easier. A lovely way to honor the deceased and support one another in mourning. A visit you'll always remember and cherish, I imagine.
ReplyDeleteLisa, When we go there, our relatives/friends call it "coming home". In many ways it feels so.
ReplyDeleteIt is a beautiful and honorable way to have a send off. Very refined, in my opionion, compared to how it is done in our country.
ReplyDeleteNancy, I so agree.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear of this unexpected passing of a cousin's relative, Mary. A home wake does sound like a good way to say goodbye and grieve. My sister-in-law was born and raised in County Cork, and when her Mom passed they made a last cup of tea for her to hold for her journey and lie candles ot light her way. It was beautiful!
ReplyDeletePat, My great grandmother was from County Cork and I used to have red hair. Lovely people those irish.
ReplyDeleteAnd so emotionally healthy, too. Support is only good when you're surrounded by it.
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised by the covering of the mirrors just because I had seen something in a movie on tv one time where the mirrors were covered at a Jewish shiva. (Not sure how to spell that.) I had just assumed it was a strictly Jewish custom. Interesting.
My husband's mother died recently at 91. It was of urgency to get him there as soon as possible due to the traditions. I was devastated we couldn't be a part of it, but they included me through the stories they texted and some amazing photos...it most definitely was a beautiful journey that honored her life well. Thank you for sharing...
ReplyDeleteKrissa, We need the support to surround us. I like that.
ReplyDeleteAndrea, Condolences and hugs to you and your husband.