Holiday Travels

I'm in Orlando, Florida for a stretch of time with the grands alone- yes! Then my daughter and her husband join us in Jacksonville at my sis-in-law's for Christmas and New Years- double yes! I'll write when I can but major family fun is job one.

Happy Holidays to you all, hope your family time is fun too!

5 Years and 500 Posts Later...

5 years ago I retired, moved to Italy and began this blog to chronicle my journey into elderhood. It never occurred to me how monumental it was to move to a different culture and learn another language while retiring from my beloved profession of nursing and beginning my next life stage. This is the 500th post on my blog, which is monumental in itself, and what a journey it has been! Since I've also decided to move back to the states, I wanted to take stock of where I'm at and what these years have taught me.

Top 5 accomplishments: 

1. Ran my first marathon and chose running as my exercise. I've continued to run 3 times a week and love it. Why did I wait so long to give myself this gift?

2. Started this blog not knowing the first thing about the blogging world. I figured it would be a way to stay more aware of what happened on my journey and provide information from afar to my family and friends. Along the way it introduced me to a world of people also trying to be more aware and writing their insights down to highlight, share and preserve them. Imagine friendship with such people. Another gift.

3. I embraced my wanderlust and it opened the world to me. I explored Italy and Europe and realized how big and beautiful our world is. I've come to feel like a world citizen. Making friends in so many countries sweetens this gift.

4. Discovered a world of conscious crones to inform and inspire me, through good freinds as we age together as well as other elder bloggers. Makes me proud to be an elder and eager to find new ways to serve my community as an elder with experience and wisdom to share.

5. Closed out the first decade of family gatherings with the young women of the next generation of my family and their children. I hope this is a gift to them because it certainly has been to me. I came to New England from 14 years in California and realized I had lost connection to my east coast family. I longed for bonds with them as adullts and from that simple wish grew a closeness so much more satisfying than I could ever have imagined. I'm forever grateful to them and my sister-in-law, Georganna, (and Peg in the early years before she died) for joining me in this adventure. 

Top 5 things I learned:

1. You know what's sexy? A real conversation! The greatest gift is the long-term love of 40 years together, 40 years of conversations, that takes our differences and turns them into the deeper understanding that opens up a whole other world. I love that. I'm grateful to be on this journey with my Honey. 

2. Grow plants, flowers and herbs and spend part of each day caring for and appreciating them. Read poetry and good books daily and cherish them. Let them change your mind and your heart. Go to coffee, call or write to someone daily to reach out and connect. On good days, do all three.

3. The older I get the more important family becomes, the more insistent their pull. They are written on my heart. Time spent with them and appreciating them makes me happy and nurtures me deeply. 

4. Eat locally grown organic food and exercise regularly. It's delicious and keeps me healthy. It's great for my body and best for our environment. Changing the world starts with me.

5. Find a purpose and dive in. Something that matters to you, that gets your juices flowing, that makes you glad to be alive. Then do something with it, in it or to do with it each day. Feels good and it matters.

Addendum: After 68 years and all this travel, the only philosophy and political view that makes sense to me is that we are one. We need a bigger world view that encompasses us all in all our diversity. I want to be involved in finding solutions that work not just for us all no matter where we live but also for our children's grandchildren. "You only are free when you realize you belong no place- you belong every place- no place at all." Maya Angelou

That was then and 
this is now:
                                                                           

    The grands

           2009








                                                       



               




                       2014                        











                                                                           
                                                                             

                The family

                     2009

                                                                              2014

My granddaughter's shirt says it all- love (and add a little sparkle!). It makes the world go around and makes the journey sweeter. 

For all that has been- thanks. For all that will be- yes.

p.s. One of the things I haven't learned is how to even up blog photos that are side by side!

Further Travels and Travels of the Heart

Recent travels took me to Cheshire County in England for a short visit with friends highlighted by immersion into their everyday life - seeing where their kids go to school, what hobbies they enjoy, what their downtown offers, what restaurants are around (we ate at a delicious Syrian/Lebanese restaurant with lots of vegetarian options), what the surrounding areas look like and a wonderful walk through their neighborhood. Weather cooperated by being sunny and warm. Their hearts are, too.

And speaking of gorgeous weather, Ireland had it as well- 4 days in a row. Bluebells newly bloomed decorated a park near John's cousins' house in Lissycasey, County Clare. We enjoyed a lovely walk with his cousin and his cousin's grandson couldn't resist sitting among them.

An apple tree starting to bloom next to the lake in their backyard captured my eye. This is the view from their kitchen window.

Heather scattered throughout the grass on the cliffs of Kilkee by the sea. John's cousin's daughter and her son toured us through their favorite gradens and a sea hike.

A view from the cliff walk on a gorgeous day.

A scattering of ladybugs painted on stones in the enclosed garden of an old estate now revived for the public. They made me smile as did time with an energetic eight year old.

Me on a chair woven of branches and embellished by children in the same garden.

And a whole different sort of activity at a nearby pub listening to traditional Irish music with John's cousins. It's something we share in common and look forward to whenever we visit. The added bonus, of course, is relaxed time with extended family we've come to cherish.

Travels of the Heart:

Next was a trip last week to Jacksonville, Florida to be with my sister-in-law, Georganna, who lost her husband of 32 years although they've been divorced for ten years (my younger brother) and her Dad within three months of each other. We're good friends and we needed time together with no agenda other than to talk, share, reminisce and take solace in each other's company. That's just what happened and it felt good. The healing power of love.

And in a dear gesture of love, my niece, Colleen, my brother's youngest daughter (he has three), took some of his shirts and made aprons from them. She gave them to her Mom, her sisters and me. It's a clever idea and I felt his presence when I put it on. She's talented and thoughtful that way.

As is Danielle, his middle daughter, who came to her Mom's, planned the Memorial Day barbecue, hosted the guests, cooked the food with her husband, Ben, and cleaned up afterwards. What a class act. It was a wonderful day and I felt so proud of her. She's pictured below in the photo with her sister, AnneMarie. She has the same premature gray hair as my brother, her Dad.

I also had a wonderful time with my niece, AnneMarie, who is getting closer to her goal of walking again after a devastating closed head injury in a car accident ten years ago. She does regular water exercises in their pool to further this goal and walked 50 feet while I was there using a special walker  assisted by her personal trainer. She also works with therapists at Brooks Rehab. using a harness hung from the ceiling which gradually gives her have less and less aid in the process of walking. She has to qualify each month by making sufficient progress to receive more therapy the following month, so she's motivated! I was better able to understand her speech by the end of the week which was a bonus and thrilling for me. I'm proud of her efforts and her positive attitude despite her obstacles.

I wasn't able to write during all these travels. It seemed I could pay attention to the folks I was with and take care of myself or I could take quiet time apart to write but I wasn't able to master doing both during this stretch of time. Losing my brother took the wind out of my sails and left me with less energy. I can feel more of it returning after time with my sister-in-law. Bless her.

Long Way Home

After a two month visit with my daughter, her husband and the grands, I start my 10 day journey home tomorrow. I stop for some time in Jacksonville to run in the marathon and visit with my sister-in-law and niece. Then back to Italy with spring already in its early stages and into the arms of my Honey. A month apart feels too long this year but my visit here in Trinidad has been my best yet- relaxed and satisfying.

I needed to drop my expectations and enjoy the kids where they're at rather than think they should be any different. I fell into that trap when they started homeschooling using an approach of interest led learning and I wished their interests were different than they were and include more of what's important to me. Like I said I needed to get over myself and that took some work on my part. They're doing fine. Bottom line is that our relationships are what's most important to me. So, the pressure is off and we can all just do what we like to do and enjoy one another. Lots of board/ card/ computer games, walks, basketball games, cooking, crafts, reading, talking, etc. 

My grandson hugged me last night and said he wished I'd never go home and my granddaughter refused to smile in the above photo. Every moment can now be cherished rather than worried over. My choice. Of course. Good life lesson. 

So Much has Changed

The windows are open since the temps are warm this September. I'm sitting looking at the verdant hills surrounding me and taking stock of all the has happened since my last post. I guess I needed a break to digest and integrate it. The biggest change is that my Honey and I put our Italian apartment/ condo on the market after nearly five years living here. We plan to move back to the states once it sells and relocate to Jacksonville, FL. The decision bubbled up after our vacation there in July/ August, being with family and having our grands (now 11 and 7 1/2) on our own for two weeks.

The easy reason to point to is the realization that I'm too far away from those who mean the most to me. Add to that the growing surety that Italians, as much as I have felt welcomed by them, enjoyed them and learned important life lessons from them, are not my tribe. I'm ready to volunteer in something I find meaningful and I'd like to have options that fit my skills, my perspectives, and can be expressed and understood without translation, figuratively and literally speaking. I might be able to shape such an endeavor here but it seems more monumental than I'd like at this time in my life. When I think about where I'd like to grow old and die, I know in my heart of hearts it's not here.

Sinking down a level, I want to be where those around me reflect the diversity in my own family. I want my family to feel at home when they visit, feel met and mirrored, feel comfortable. In my immediate family that means more people of color, bi-racial couples and mixed race kids. In my extended family it means more openly, comfortably gay individuals and couples and more complex families with fostered, adopted, blended and special needs kids. More basically, I'd like to be where my extended family can afford to visit. I cherish the diversity in my own family and I want to have that around me day to day.

There's more, I suspect, in the inner restlessness and eagerness to be living differently, more authentically. I, nonetheless, feel surprised by this change. I was going along feeling happy and delighted and then I wasn't. Makes me sad given how much I've loved living here and the good friends I've made. How does this just change from one day to another?

                                            (photo by Grazian Romanelli of our city and its dragon)

Three Things I Know to be True

I'm keeping it simple right now.
In this whirlwind getting ready to travel
I'm down to basics- what
do I know? It's this: the pull
of family tugs harder as I get older.
The desire to be together with them
is a physical yearning. And,
I'm in awe of John who
easily organizes the most complex
of itineraries and writes the lists
that get all the last minute things
done. These three things
I know to be true.

Seems like it should be more.
I miss writing
more and reading blogs
that have become important to me.
But here I am, preparing to travel
six time zones to be with my family
and it's all I can manage.

I leave today for a month in the states and have been struck at how much time, effort, planning and energy expenditure happens before ever leaving. I hope to post photos of the high points of our stay, maybe even get the grands involved in documenting our time together. I'm eager...

Florida Recap

I've arrived back in Italy and I'm happy to be home although the ten days in Florida were a whirlwind of family fun.

My granddaughter, who is now seven, celebrated her birthday a little early with extended family. She decorated the cake creatively with her cousin to many giggles and oohs and aahs.

I had time with my sister-in-law, deepening our friendship and talking lots about our present and future role as elders in our family and our communities.  She throws a great party as well. Love that woman.
Also with my nieces (all but one ) and their growing families as all generations build relationships with one another. Time to relax, talk, party and walk/run for a cause together is good for the soul.

My niece had a casino night for fun before the wedding so I had a chance to dress up and have a good time with my Honey who flew in from Italy.

And the big event was my niece, Danielle's, wedding with my daughter, Kelly, as Maid of Honor. They've been close growing up and remain good friends now. My granddaughter got to be a Flower Girl and she was thrilled with her beautiful dress and fancy hairdo. My grandson wore his spiffy hat in the spirit of the day and looked all of a sudden so much more grown up than ten.

The photographer caught a nice shot of the three of us sitting on the stairs.

It's always a treat to be in the love bubble of newly weds so close to Valentine's Day and I celebrate them and the hope they represent that committing to love brings sweet rewards. May it be so.

6.7 at 67

For the marathon in Jacksonville, Florida this year I ran in the relay with nine family members. I ran the third leg that measured 6.7 miles with my daughter to celebrate my 67th birthday. Like last year, the day was unseasonably cold at 34 degrees despite being in the 50's or 60's before and after race day. Nonetheless two teams of five family members in town for my niece's wedding (she's the one in her headpiece and who is now honeymooning in Italy) linked up with each other to run/walk the five legs. Here's how we looked before shedding layers at the start of our respective legs.

We had fun and supported a great cause since this is the National Marathon to End Breast Cancer and 100% of the proceeds go to the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville for breast cancer research and treatment. Our teams were named "Peg's Pals and Peg's Pals ll" in honor of my Honey's sister and my friend, Peg, who died of breast cancer five years ago. We joined 10,000 others, including survivors, for this marathon, half marathon, 10K, and relay. A welcome home tribute, a hot tub for the brave and a barbecue for all, followed at my sister-in-law's.

I ran well, had fun and look forward to next year. Running three times a week to ready myself for this yearly event keeps me healthy and happy. How to do this until 100 injury free will be the topic of another post.

Holiday Travel

Tomorrow I leave with my Honey for Trinidad's Rain Forest where my daughter, her husband and our two grands live. I'll be there for Christmas, New Years and the worst part of the winter. I know, I'm spoiled.  I'm yearning to be with family, have time to play and hike to beautiful places, celebrate my birthday, go to the grands' gymnastic classes, see movies in English, play scrabble with my daughter, maybe even do some art with my friend, Bunty, and enjoy life. Oh, and train for a relay race (my section is 6 1/2 miles) with other family members as part of the National Marathon to End Breast Cancer in Jacksonville, FL in February. I've run the marathon, two half- marathons and now the relay  to celebrate my niece's wedding that weekend. It's "our" event as a family since losing my Honey's sister, Peg, to breast cancer in 2007. Her loss and my desire to do something about it sparked my running.

A downside is having only dial up access to the internet which makes blogging difficult (at best). Remember the days of dial up? UGH! There will be occasional visits to high speed land, so I'll keep in touch and share what I can as I'm able.

In the meanwhile, Happy Holidays to all. Enjoy your family, your spouse, and your life to the fullest. Let each person you love know it. Grandmothers, keep your eyes open for the depressed, angry young adolescents and see that they get help. They have a hard time asking for it or admitting to depression and if they don't get it they can distort reality to be something worth destroying. In these days of mental health cutbacks we must acknowledge that people who need help and don't get it can take it out on themselves or others. Both are too costly. Treatment saves lives. Let's do this.

How a Woman Living in Italy Lands in the Storm of the Century in the States

It was just a two week vacation with my Honey to see family and friends in the states ending with my niece's wedding in Ohio. Our departure date, though, coincided with hurricane Sandy, which morphed into superstorm Sandy, smashing the east coast, including our port of exit, Boston. Which means that I'm writing this from an airport hotel in Columbus, Ohio after our flights were cancelled and rescheduled for two days from now providing Boston's Logan Airport is up and running by then. Our flights were among about 11,000 flights that were cancelled. Do you know how many other travelers were attempting to change to alternate routes to miss the 1,000 mile wide storm? Too many, as it turns out.

All other family members made it out (most driving) so I have a stretch of two days to catch up with all the things I've neglected while devoting myself whole- heartedly to visiting. I want to figure out a way to blog and travel/visit at the same time. I miss my blogosphere friends when I'm gone. The TV coverage of the storm is enough to scare the wits out of any watcher that has family or friends in harm's way. Columbus is on the outer edge of this massive storm and still we have rain, cold, winds and emergency contingencies at the ready, but it's the population dense east coast that is feeling the brunt of it. Heart- felt prayers to them.

My Honey started with a cold last night and felt it full- fledged today so he's in bed and I'm out doing email, facebook, blogging, reading, organizing my vacation photos and using the fitness center since I can't go outdoors. With no distractions, it's rather enjoyable. Another advantage of retirement- the ability to roll with what is. I've even played Words-With-Friends real time with my daughter and a friend, got myself caught up with DragonVale as well and made myself some new (young) friends along the way to share DV gems and strategies with. What a fun game with ever- evolving features to keep loyalists like me happy.

Fall in New England, celebrating my father's 96th birthday, seeing friends from where I used to live in Maine, touching base and catching up with old, dear friends, conducting our 9th annual gathering of the women in my family, alone time (four days!) for the first time in ten years to talk with my daughter, and attending my youngest brother's youngest daughter's wedding stand as high points of the trip up to this latest experience of nature's power shared by many millions of my Country people. It's been a rich vacation.

What Role We Have

What role we grands should take fills mind and heart
these days, 'sides love them well, the roots of roots n' wings,
love fierce, connect to all who ancest'red them, bring
complete the circle with them the purpose, the art,
entire, achieved, concluded, free drawn, writ large,
us left breathless at the specter except to sing
our songs for them and attend to theirs gathering
pieces to swell the family trove with their charms.
It's not about them at all, of course, but us,
death's incursion that lies beneath all else
and stands in contrast to their upward slant,
throws us back to what we do with such
lives as we've been given in gen'rous grace, not false
striving to garner praise but pouring hearts 'till spent.



This poem actually was inspired by the dVerse Poets post of September 13 about sonnets. It was a generous and meaty article by Gay Reiser Cannon with lots of information about various kinds and structure of sonnets and splendid examples. I've been working on this since and finished it yesterday. I'm amazed that others wrote theirs so quickly. I post it tonight for Open Link Night at dVerse Poets Pub hosted by Claudia, an inspirational poet in her own right.
(photo taken on my recent trip to Ireland)

Family

Family and how
it shapes me,
its power -
that's mine.
But then
I brave up and
dive into life
and me, find
new power -
mine.


Mama Zen, over at Imaginary garden with real toads, challenged us to name our power image in 25 words or less.

To Boldly Go Where Everyone Else Has Gone Before

This is my niece, AnneMarie. She likes to wear stylish clothes with just the right jewelry accessories, keep her manicure and pedicure up to date in the latest colors and have a coordinating backpack and purse on her wheelchair. She enjoys music, word games on the internet, texting, emailing, playing cards and shopping. She works out with a personal trainer every week and uses her pool for exercise as well.

She shares a home with her Mom (my sister-in-law) who describes AnneMarie as a fun and interesting companion to live with. With extraordinary generosity she opens her home to family members who drop by at all times of year and, for the last 5 years, hosts our yearly family woman's gathering for all who attend (8 years now and counting). That includes her 2 sisters, 6 cousins, her Mom, of course, and me. Her Mom and I are two are the Crones of the gathering. Add in spouses and children and it's a large and growing group who love time together and time with AnneMarie.

This is the bumper sticker on AnneMarie's van.

Ten years ago AnneMarie was in a car accident on an icy highway and sustained a closed head injury which nearly took her life, left her wheelchair bound with right-sided weakness and spasticity and with speech that's difficult to understand. Nonetheless, AnneMarie's goal is to walk. It's an ambitious goal that has taken all these years of torturous re-learning to sit up, balance on her own while sitting in the wheelchair, strengthen unused and reluctant muscles, stand, balance on her own while standing despite weakness, a brace on her right leg and muscles that forget how to carry out the messages from her brain. She is undaunted by all that and behind her lovely, feminine demeanor hides a steely resolve.

When physical therapists said she had gone as far as possible and dismissed her, she found personal trainers who would support her goal to walk, who would teach her the skills she needed and help strengthen her muscles to enable her to do what she declared in our gathering 2 years ago she would do, to walk. She called it into being and did whatever it has taken to get this far. When my Honey and I together with our daughter and her family visited AnneMarie and her Mom in February, my daughter filmed this (less than 2 minutes) with my camera. (AnneMarie's personal trainer and personal assistant are with her.)

Perhaps you can tell how proud I am of AnneMarie. I'm glad she's my niece, glad she's my daughter's cousin, glad she's my grands' auntie. She's my teacher in her fierce resolve to set goals and do all that is humanly possible to meet them, to believe in herself, however broken, and her ability to heal, to believe that she'll find others who can and will help her. No wonder our family wants to be around her. You're my hero, AnneMarie. I honor and celebrate you.


p.s. Don't forget to always leave the handicap parking spaces open and remind others to do so, too - AnneMarie needs them to have access to the world we take for granted.

p.p.s. Thanks to my Honey for his technical support in getting this video upright from its sideways orientation that defied my attempts to right it.

All That Remains

My grandson returned to his home in Trinidad today. He left the house too quiet, the space where he dropped his flip- flops when he came into the house too empty and two souvenir foot prints that I'm now reluctant to clean up. 

Oh, and lots of pizza boxes to recycle. That boy scarfed down pizza on every possible occasion in the month he visited!

   

I'm feeling melancholy already but so grateful for this wonderful opportunity to know and love him more in all his boy exuberance. 

Grow well and prosper, sweet prince!

The New Normal

Recently I saw an ad for a new TV show entitled The New Normal. Although I don't know exactly what the show will be about since I came in at the end of the ad it has to do with families. It got me thinking about my family. Our new normal embraces Liz and Sada's marriage, Judith and Kim's marriage, Kelly and Trinidadian Carl's marriage, their bi-cultural and biracial children, the un-degreed to a PhD, a grand-nephew on the autistic spectrum, a post- MVA disabled niece, divorced, remarried and blended families, an ex-con who turned his life around, couples living together, step children, fostered children, nearly adopted children and a 95 year old at the helm cheering for all of us. Whew! So the eight (for now) great-grands get to experience this new normal and we all get to be enriched by our fabulous diversity. I love my family! The new normal is nothing to fear!

Farmers of the Heart

I love Rumi's words and the tree of life that results. Do that to which I'm devoted, spend time with those to whom I'm devoted and reap the heart rewards. Sums up this month with family beautifully.

The Vacation Begins

Daughter and grands landed, faces painted, hair braided, soccer game played (blow up ball), baggage cart ride, train shuttled, meal eaten and we hadn't even left the airport. Great start!

Happy Sixth Birthday

My granddaughter just turned six which got me searching through the photos of our recent time together. They illustrate diverse aspects of her personality and the reasons I'm so utterly in love with her.

Six of my favorite things about this lovely, dear child:

1. She confidently walks her own path in her own way. She reminds me of her mother in that way which makes my heart happy.

2. She's always up for grand adventures.

3. She likes going to the beach, likes to run and likes to swim after diving wholeheartedly into whatever water is available. It's how she lives her life, too, come to think about it.

4. She likes to play with dolls (and wear aprons and make a pretty tote bag) and lets me play with her.

5. She likes art- drawing, using pencil crayons and painting with vibrant colors. Her creativity extends to  clothes designing and we have such fun doing this together. My mother, her great grandmother, loved clothes and fabric, designed and made clothes for me throughout my childhood, and had a keen eye for color and design. It brings me great pleasure to see this sense burgeoning in my granddaughter.

6. She picked my birthday bouquet while we were on one of our adventures. She's surprisingly thoughtful that way.

It's hard to stop since there's also her zany sense of fun, like wearing a butterfly crown in the belief that she's really a princess, or putting stickers everywhere including on her grandfather's iPhone, or wearing tattoos wherever anyone will draw them on her, or leaving little love notes where I can find them and have my heart warmed…

If the child is mother of the woman, she's on a good path. She brings a unique mixture of her ancestors expressed in a sassy but sweet self.  May her journey contain all that she needs to grow into her full,  beautiful self and offer her the ways to share her gifts with the sweet face of mother earth. Earth needs her gifts.