12 November 2011

Then Somebody Bends Unexpectedly

Remember the scene in Beauty and The Beast where Angela Lansbury in a voice over sings:

Tale as old as time
True as it can be
Barely even friends
Then somebody bends
Just a little change
Small to say the least
Both a little scared
Neither one prepared
Beauty and the Beast

Ever just the same
Ever a surprise
Ever as before
Ever just as sure
As the sun will rise

Tale as old as time
Tune as old as song
Bittersweet and strange
Finding you can change
Learning you were wrong
Certain as the sun
Rising in the east
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast

I like this song because it rings true to my experience. It sings of the importance of one of the couple making that tiny first move, shifting the field, making a change. Until somebody bends, softens a bit, nothing changes. 

When I can be the one to make that small change that changes everything, I'm awed by the difference it makes, by how my Honey lets me save face, by the closeness that results. Moments before, I'm thinking "I'm right, he's wrong and this time he'll eat shit, choke and die before I back down." But, somewhere in the back of my mind, I remember what happened the last time one of us shifted and how good it was.

Sometimes it's me who softens (even when I hate to), sometimes it's my Honey. And every time, for 38 years, it changes the dynamic to the point that we can hear each other a little more, understand each other a little better and move towards re-establishing closeness. Deepened.

What's true in the individual level is also true on the group level- political factions, racial tensions, religious differences, family discord- people maintaining rigid positions maintain the status quo or bring about worse, including destruction of one another. 

Those that can soften their heart can start the chain reaction of change. Can make the world a better place. Can bring about healing. Can't they? What do you think?


  1. Oh, this is so profound!
    Difficult to accept.
    But so true.

  2. Sometimes I forget that I was born feeling loved and cherished and my Honey was not. He needs to be told over and over that he is loved. This is how I make my own world a better place: remember that we all experience the world in different ways. Great post!

  3. Rosaria, Hard things worth doing.

    DJan, My Honey and I also come from different family experiences and your point is a good one toward what I hope for on that macro level, too - realize the differences. "Be kind because everyone is fighting a hard battle."

    Sunny, It has implications between countries and religions, doesn't it?

  4. A very good reminder. It's easy to stay stubborn and unbending, but it makes life harder in the long run!

  5. It's true for us too: 33 years. It's really about listening, isn't it.

  6. Nancy, Probably, but it is heard.

    Ruth, Yes. How rich it all is when I get over myself and just listen. The longer we're together the more I learn and grow richer. 33- good for you!

  7. true on 2nd piece, lovely story retelling.

    welcome sharing a random or relevant poetry with us today.


  8. So true on the individual level. A huge difference can be made in the overall health of the relationship by just giving in now and then, even when we don't want to. (And I admit, I'm as stubborn as they come but still do it...sometimes.)

    On the grand/group level, I'm sure it would make a huge difference, too, but too many have the attitude you mentioned: "I'm right, he's wrong and this time he'll eat shit, choke and die before I back down." Unfortunately.

  9. GG, Thanks and I'll check it out.

    Lisa, I've been listening to the political discourse and it sounds like we've backed ourselves into that corner.

  10. God, I wish I could bend easily. I'm just as stubborn with my husband as ever. We were teenage sweethearts, fought like siblings, divorced after 5 yrs of marriage in our 20s, had a great 3 yr hiatus, and remarried in our 30s. Oi vey! He drives me CRAZY!

  11. CG, If I bend, it's never easily. The end result when I do reinforces the desire to do it next time. Even then it's NOT easy.


Let's chat.