Florida Recap

I've arrived back in Italy and I'm happy to be home although the ten days in Florida were a whirlwind of family fun.

My granddaughter, who is now seven, celebrated her birthday a little early with extended family. She decorated the cake creatively with her cousin to many giggles and oohs and aahs.

I had time with my sister-in-law, deepening our friendship and talking lots about our present and future role as elders in our family and our communities.  She throws a great party as well. Love that woman.
Also with my nieces (all but one ) and their growing families as all generations build relationships with one another. Time to relax, talk, party and walk/run for a cause together is good for the soul.

My niece had a casino night for fun before the wedding so I had a chance to dress up and have a good time with my Honey who flew in from Italy.

And the big event was my niece, Danielle's, wedding with my daughter, Kelly, as Maid of Honor. They've been close growing up and remain good friends now. My granddaughter got to be a Flower Girl and she was thrilled with her beautiful dress and fancy hairdo. My grandson wore his spiffy hat in the spirit of the day and looked all of a sudden so much more grown up than ten.

The photographer caught a nice shot of the three of us sitting on the stairs.

It's always a treat to be in the love bubble of newly weds so close to Valentine's Day and I celebrate them and the hope they represent that committing to love brings sweet rewards. May it be so.

Woven with Desire

We were woven
with desire, you and I,
enticed by promises
to explore friendship 'til
flickers fanned to flames,
hearts unpacked of baggage
brought to this union, clamps
undone, bulldozed of notions
not exact to our particulars,
which missed us, served up
another story. Ours-
a simple giving to each
other, prayers projected
but exceeded.

This is woven from word lists of the inimitable Shay over at Imaginary Gardens with Real Toads and offered for the G-Man for Friday Flash 55.

Shooting Stars and Other Love Stories

Venus, Jupiter and the crescent moon,
a bright, three point line strung between
Perseids meteor shower winging stars across the sky
to mark our anniversary. We count them as if counting
our years or all that shot into being through us.

Is that how stars fling themselves to the
far ends of the universe, scatter star dust on every
surface to be taken up and formed into all that is?
Is this why we love to stretch out under the sky as
streaks mark their way across our vision and feel
our oneness with the universe?

Or is it the yearly reminder of mystery and
miracle that thrills us because we know it's about us, too.
We scooped up star stuff and made our life, made
our daughters, aligned ourselves with universal
coordinates, took our place in the scheme of things together,
streaked love across our lives, hurtled it here and there
at random and on purpose for thirty nine years, scorched by its scions.




Our anniversary is August 11 and is often marked by visible meteor showers. This year, the richest of them, Perseid Meteor Shower , was active and showed its ancient self in the pre-dawn sky. My Honey and I went out at 4AM and saw 10-12 shooting stars. What a great anniversary gift. Venus, Jupiter and the moon lined up particularly bright as well (my attempt at capturing this is the photo above).
Happy 39th, Honey! My God, aren't we brave?

 "…The brave things in the old tales and songs, Mr. Frodo; adventures as I used to call them. I used to think they were things the …folk of the stories went out and looked for, because they wanted them, because they were exciting and life was a bit dull…But that’s not the way of it with the tales that really mattered, or stay in the mind. Folks seem to have just landed in them, usually–their paths were laid that way…But I expect they had lots of chances, like us, of turning back, only they didn’t. And if they had, we shouldn’t know, because they’d have been forgotten.." ~from The Two Towers, © J.R.R. Tolkien.

This is posted for dVerse Poets Open Link Night hosted by Claudia who encourages us to share the "stuff you discover as you go". What more treasured discovery than love and shooting stars?

Then Somebody Bends Unexpectedly

Remember the scene in Beauty and The Beast where Angela Lansbury in a voice over sings:

Tale as old as time
True as it can be
Barely even friends
Then somebody bends
Unexpectedly
Just a little change
Small to say the least
Both a little scared
Neither one prepared
Beauty and the Beast

Ever just the same
Ever a surprise
Ever as before
Ever just as sure
As the sun will rise

Tale as old as time
Tune as old as song
Bittersweet and strange
Finding you can change
Learning you were wrong
Certain as the sun
Rising in the east
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast

I like this song because it rings true to my experience. It sings of the importance of one of the couple making that tiny first move, shifting the field, making a change. Until somebody bends, softens a bit, nothing changes. 

When I can be the one to make that small change that changes everything, I'm awed by the difference it makes, by how my Honey lets me save face, by the closeness that results. Moments before, I'm thinking "I'm right, he's wrong and this time he'll eat shit, choke and die before I back down." But, somewhere in the back of my mind, I remember what happened the last time one of us shifted and how good it was.

Sometimes it's me who softens (even when I hate to), sometimes it's my Honey. And every time, for 38 years, it changes the dynamic to the point that we can hear each other a little more, understand each other a little better and move towards re-establishing closeness. Deepened.

What's true in the individual level is also true on the group level- political factions, racial tensions, religious differences, family discord- people maintaining rigid positions maintain the status quo or bring about worse, including destruction of one another.  Those that can soften their heart can start the chain reaction of change. Can make the world a better place. Can bring about healing. Can't they? What do you think?

Sex in Our 60's

Never mind Sex in The City, how about sex in our 60's?

Recently my Honey and I have been trying out new things to keep sex in our 60's fun and satisfying. As you know, there are challenges associated with aging that call for some creativity. We've made some discoveries that I want to share and I'd like to hear what others have found for themselves.

1. We're taking advantage of retirement's lack of time pressure to choose the best time of day for sex. Morning has won for us. Once I've really woken up (takes me longer than my Honey), we feel fresh and energetic but the daily "to do's" haven't yet taken over our focus as they do later.

2. It's never to late to buy nice lingerie. This year, I started a process of replacing my "functional" under garments with lingerie that I find lovely. By buying one or two items a month, it didn't hurt financially and at the end of the year, I have beautiful lingerie that I love to wear and look at and that my Honey likes to look at as well. On me. It's a little thing that makes me feel sexier.

3. We set up time to talk about how to improve our love making. We read before hand, free associated, said anything that comes to mind, and got lots of possibilities out before making choices of what to try. This is our time to experiment, indulge each other's desires and see how it feels.

4. If affairs can spice up a love life, why not have one with each other. Periodically. How would I dress if  meeting a lover? What kind of ambiance and what meal would I prepare? Or, since my Honey is the cook, where would I rendezvous with a lover? Why waste those wonderful moments, that exhilarating energy on someone other than our one, true love?

5. Speak well of each other in front of family and friends. I love and admire my Honey so I let others know. His most endearing feature today is his sending our family and friends birthday or anniversary
e-cards. He has a couple of e-card sites that he chooses from to make the card right for each person. He's thoughtful that way. And kind.

I interviewed my Honey on this topic to get a man's perspective and he had three suggestions:

6. Let go of inhibitions that you had, whether raised with them or culturally imposed. Carpe diem or do it while you still can.

7. If your partner is willing, explore fantasies you've had but not acted on up to now. If not now, when?

8. You get extra pleasure from giving pleasure to your spouse. Find a new way to give pleasure.

What have you found to spice up your love life?

Lots Can Happen in a month

It's a month since my last post and it was a month full of travel and celebrations. Returning to Maine where I lived for 5 1/2 years, I met up with friends, including a couple I've been friends with for 37 years. My daughter and the grands met me there and I basked in the incomparable luxury of time together.

We celebrated my father's 95th birthday in Boston. Dad is 95 but healthy, mentally sharp and still dancing! He's my aging mentor. He's also the one who taught me about the importance of nutritious food and exercise, and this was before that came to the national consciousness. I was the only school kid in the 1950's with whole wheat, pumpernickel or rye instead of white bread, which he wouldn't let in the house. I was also the kid with no added sugar on anything, drinking non-fat milk and walking my little legs off regularly. Guess he was right all along.

He was recognized with proclamations from President Obama, the Massachusetts Governor, his city's Mayor, Senator Kerry, the Boston Fire Department (35 year career) and the US Army for service in WW II. My brother wasn't able to confirm that Dad is the oldest living Boston Fire Fighter, but he might be. His sister  and some cousins I hadn't seen in years as well as all six great-grandchildren were there to add to the fun. Good food, music and non-stop gabbing rounded out the party and made it such a joyous day.

Happy birthday, Dad. Keep dancing!

Next was another birthday. My grandson turned 9 and had a big party in Florida. His requests? Ice cream cake, Nerf Guns, pizza and a movie. We got it all in during our 3 1/2 weeks together and more besides. He's a great kid, tender with his younger sister (mostly!), and surprisingly aware of and gentle to the two new babies added to our family's grandchildren generation. He's becoming skilled in games he has downloaded to my iPad and took advantage of wi-fi access that he doesn't have in his rain forest home to get even better.

I love seeing the four "older" cousins (9, 8, 6 1/2, 5 1/2) grow their friendships with one another in these yearly visits despite living so far apart. The two little ones met their cousins this year and the two year old played in the pool with the older ones to her heart's content. The five month old just sat like Budha and received kisses and hugs galore.

Happy birthday, sweet boy.

Love was in the air for the next event intoxicating all within its reach.  In a simple and beautiful ceremony, my niece pledged her love to the woman who will be her life partner. They received the good wishes and blessings of their families and just floated around in their love bubble for the week. Blending the two families in this relaxed setting proved to be delightfully easy. We kicked up our heels, talked and enjoyed one another's company as if we had been friends for years. Left me wanting more. I like that feeling and was grateful to my sister-in-law for opening her large, warm home and pool deck to us all. Her hospitality and generosity made it possible. She's my teacher.

Congratulations, Dear Ones.

Our eighth annual Gathering of the young women in our family happened next since everyone was in town for the wedding. I'll write more about this extraordinary event since it lives in my heart as my most important contribution to the well being of my family, my daughter, my grandchildren, my amazing nieces and my beloved sister-in-law.

We celebrate something each year and this year it was our challenges. Sharing them with each other lightened the load of carrying them and inspired admiration for the way each is managing theirs.  The common, humbling theme ended up being how to discover who we are and what we're meant to do at all our various life stages. Deeper closeness and friendships follow as we walk this sacred path together.  I love these women! I'm so grateful for them in my life.

As if all that wasn't enough, the day after we returned to Italy my husband and I celebrated our 38th anniversary. Bless John's heart, he actually got up on the 11th, looked at me and said: "You really don't know what day today is, do you?". "Oh, is it our anniversary?" said I figuring it had to be something big and it's August so it must be our anniversary. There were just too many places, events and people for the month and I lost track! So we had a very low key celebration of the incredible great grace that is our relationship.  He made a lovely salmon meal and we ate on our balcony in the balmy weather of summer in our little corner of the world.

I love life with this sweet man who still makes me laugh out loud. Happy anniversary, my Love.

My heart is full. I'm glad to be home to savor all that has happened. I missed my blog friends and look forward to catching up.

Happy 37th!

 
To celebrate our 37th wedding anniversary, my husband and I, together with our visiting daughter and grandchildren, hiked to a wonderful waterfall, walked through a river to get there, found a cave along the way, and swam in a natural "cisterna" pool at the foot of the waterfall. It was a great day in the mountains filled with the kind of fun things that kept delighting all of us of every age- the insects, birds, wild flowers, abundant trees shading us  from the hot sun and then hot sun by the river after dunking in the cold mountain water.

And where do you eat to celebrate a 37th anniversary in Italy when your grandchildren are visiting? You go out for pizza, of course. We went to a place where my daughter (who has celiac disease) could order gluten free pizza right off the menu. It was a first for her and a real treat. When I decided to wear a dressy dress anyway even though it was a pizza restaurant,  it reminded me of my whole decision struggle with 1 vs. 2 piece bathing suits at age 64.


A big decision in the land of mostly 2 piece bathing suits - whether or not to get one... and then whether or not to wear one... and then whether or not to post the photo if I was in the 2 piece bathing suit. But, it's one of the lessons of Italy- land of "our bodies, ourselves", bodies of all size, bodies of all ages, let them be as they are and let them play in the sun. Kind of freeing so I'm going with it!


And, as for 37 years with my Honey- I'm so very grateful for those years, with John, in love. I'm grateful for the adventures, for the personal and couple growth we've been graced to experience. I say in my "about me" section of the blog that who I looked for was a strong and mighty oak but who I found was the clear blue sky. I'm glad I got over myself, recognized the gift I was offered and scooped it up eagerly. That was a good decision! The sweet times, the hard times, the heartbreaks became our life story as we embraced them together. I love our life.


Thanks for the memories, Dear One. Thanks for loving me, our daughter and our grandchildren as you do. You're my teacher as well as my lover. I'm grateful.