Keep it Slow and Savor

In love, start, then keep it slow and savor.
Just kiss at first stretched out full side by side,
focus on each sensation and flavor,
keep it slow and savor.

Speak quiet words to your belov'd, confide
how love is a cherished gift, a laver,
bathed and refreshed in the ebb flow of tide

this season and next, each act a paver
building the whole for days and years 'till wide
and high is love's monument and favor.
Keep it slow and savor.


A too late Roundel for Margaret's Play it Again over at Imaginary Gardens with Real Toads writing for Ella's (second) Chakra prompt, so posted for Fireblossom's Open Link Monday at The Garden and (also too late) for the dVerse Poet's Pub.

5 Years and 500 Posts Later...

5 years ago I retired, moved to Italy and began this blog to chronicle my journey into elderhood. It never occurred to me how monumental it was to move to a different culture and learn another language while retiring from my beloved profession of nursing and beginning my next life stage. This is the 500th post on my blog, which is monumental in itself, and what a journey it has been! Since I've also decided to move back to the states, I wanted to take stock of where I'm at and what these years have taught me.

Top 5 accomplishments: 

1. Ran my first marathon and chose running as my exercise. I've continued to run 3 times a week and love it. Why did I wait so long to give myself this gift?

2. Started this blog not knowing the first thing about the blogging world. I figured it would be a way to stay more aware of what happened on my journey and provide information from afar to my family and friends. Along the way it introduced me to a world of people also trying to be more aware and writing their insights down to highlight, share and preserve them. Imagine friendship with such people. Another gift.

3. I embraced my wanderlust and it opened the world to me. I explored Italy and Europe and realized how big and beautiful our world is. I've come to feel like a world citizen. Making friends in so many countries sweetens this gift.

4. Discovered a world of conscious crones to inform and inspire me, through good freinds as we age together as well as other elder bloggers. Makes me proud to be an elder and eager to find new ways to serve my community as an elder with experience and wisdom to share.

5. Closed out the first decade of family gatherings with the young women of the next generation of my family and their children. I hope this is a gift to them because it certainly has been to me. I came to New England from 14 years in California and realized I had lost connection to my east coast family. I longed for bonds with them as adullts and from that simple wish grew a closeness so much more satisfying than I could ever have imagined. I'm forever grateful to them and my sister-in-law, Georganna, (and Peg in the early years before she died) for joining me in this adventure. 

Top 5 things I learned:

1. You know what's sexy? A real conversation! The greatest gift is the long-term love of 40 years together, 40 years of conversations, that takes our differences and turns them into the deeper understanding that opens up a whole other world. I love that. I'm grateful to be on this journey with my Honey. 

2. Grow plants, flowers and herbs and spend part of each day caring for and appreciating them. Read poetry and good books daily and cherish them. Let them change your mind and your heart. Go to coffee, call or write to someone daily to reach out and connect. On good days, do all three.

3. The older I get the more important family becomes, the more insistent their pull. They are written on my heart. Time spent with them and appreciating them makes me happy and nurtures me deeply. 

4. Eat locally grown organic food and exercise regularly. It's delicious and keeps me healthy. It's great for my body and best for our environment. Changing the world starts with me.

5. Find a purpose and dive in. Something that matters to you, that gets your juices flowing, that makes you glad to be alive. Then do something with it, in it or to do with it each day. Feels good and it matters.

Addendum: After 68 years and all this travel, the only philosophy and political view that makes sense to me is that we are one. We need a bigger world view that encompasses us all in all our diversity. I want to be involved in finding solutions that work not just for us all no matter where we live but also for our children's grandchildren. "You only are free when you realize you belong no place- you belong every place- no place at all." Maya Angelou

That was then and 
this is now:
                                                                           

    The grands

           2009








                                                       



               




                       2014                        











                                                                           
                                                                             

                The family

                     2009

                                                                              2014

My granddaughter's shirt says it all- love (and add a little sparkle!). It makes the world go around and makes the journey sweeter. 

For all that has been- thanks. For all that will be- yes.

p.s. One of the things I haven't learned is how to even up blog photos that are side by side!

Rainforest Reconnaissance

The forest floor of our love holds
forty years of scattered leavings as loam
for yet more growth, riotous and jungly,
our understory thick as old growth mahogany.

Love, now moistly deciduous from our equatorial
heat or the chafing of our years' burdens, but so
sprinkled with caches of color, like strong- beaked toucans,
as to be in all our seasons' memories, suffused in beauty.

Now our uppermost branches expand
umbrellalike, held over the lives of loved ones
who come to sit awhile in the cool of this canopy. Some
become taller than those surrounding, a grand emergent

occurring unexpectedly, perhaps groomed by others,
like howler monkeys, in this fertile layer of our love.
Together we howl our loud lusty call down the rainforest strata
and stand awed by the swarming life sprung forth.

This is in response to Victoria Slotto over at dVerse Poets Pub who talked of Voice in poetry and urged us to speak of something we're passionate about and reveal our personal attitude in the process. Long- term love of my Honey is my passion and I seek to find new ways to express it. Meanwhile, Hannah, over at Imaginary Gardens with Real Toads, asked us to write about the tropical rainforest, so I used this as my inspiration for a love metaphor. Photo is taken in the rainforest of Trinidad where my daughter and her family live.

Employ the Wind - A Cinquain

When I
sing of you, I
will employ the wind, schooled
by wind to howl your praises, breathe
you in.

This is in response to Tony Maude over at dVerse Poets Pub who prompted us to write an American Cinquain of 2 syllables, followed by 4-6-8 then 2 again while staying mindful of ending words on each line. The phrase "employ the wind" came from a prompt by De Jackson at Imaginary Gardens with Real Toads on Wednesday who gave us a list of words and phrases from a botanical book. I liked this one. The photo is mine taken at a friend's house.

The First Time...

It was the moment that changed everything, that quietly
jumped over all the supposed prerequisites and landed
me in a whole other space bright and green with hope.

You sat across the table from me, the only thing between us
a plant, purple violettes weren't they? That and this new reality
just born that we had nurtured and waited for as all

new life is yearned for. Can a moment be pretty? The whole
of it was; you as sun caught the crystal wine glass at your lips
and refracted colors over your face, the song playing in the background,

"The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face", which became our song,
encoded our love, marked this moment, locked it inside us
forever, drags us back each time from whatever brinks we devise

with its reminder of all we have, the slow crawl of the dance
we danced, for how could we not dance at such a moment?
That genesis, that natal moment, that start of love.

This is in response to Brian Miller's prompt in Poetics over at dVerse Poet's Pub to ask someone else for 2 nouns, 3 verbs, 3 adjectives and 2 random words. I asked my Honey and he gave me (in order): plant, table, jump, drag, crawl, green, pretty, bright, purple, wine. And a second prompt from Gretchen Leary, working with Brian, to write about a song that inspired you. Easy choice for me: "The First Time" by Roberta Flack.

Florida Recap

I've arrived back in Italy and I'm happy to be home although the ten days in Florida were a whirlwind of family fun.

My granddaughter, who is now seven, celebrated her birthday a little early with extended family. She decorated the cake creatively with her cousin to many giggles and oohs and aahs.

I had time with my sister-in-law, deepening our friendship and talking lots about our present and future role as elders in our family and our communities.  She throws a great party as well. Love that woman.
Also with my nieces (all but one ) and their growing families as all generations build relationships with one another. Time to relax, talk, party and walk/run for a cause together is good for the soul.

My niece had a casino night for fun before the wedding so I had a chance to dress up and have a good time with my Honey who flew in from Italy.

And the big event was my niece, Danielle's, wedding with my daughter, Kelly, as Maid of Honor. They've been close growing up and remain good friends now. My granddaughter got to be a Flower Girl and she was thrilled with her beautiful dress and fancy hairdo. My grandson wore his spiffy hat in the spirit of the day and looked all of a sudden so much more grown up than ten.

The photographer caught a nice shot of the three of us sitting on the stairs.

It's always a treat to be in the love bubble of newly weds so close to Valentine's Day and I celebrate them and the hope they represent that committing to love brings sweet rewards. May it be so.

Then Somebody Bends Unexpectedly

Remember the scene in Beauty and The Beast where Angela Lansbury in a voice over sings:

Tale as old as time
True as it can be
Barely even friends
Then somebody bends
Unexpectedly
Just a little change
Small to say the least
Both a little scared
Neither one prepared
Beauty and the Beast

Ever just the same
Ever a surprise
Ever as before
Ever just as sure
As the sun will rise

Tale as old as time
Tune as old as song
Bittersweet and strange
Finding you can change
Learning you were wrong
Certain as the sun
Rising in the east
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast

I like this song because it rings true to my experience. It sings of the importance of one of the couple making that tiny first move, shifting the field, making a change. Until somebody bends, softens a bit, nothing changes. 

When I can be the one to make that small change that changes everything, I'm awed by the difference it makes, by how my Honey lets me save face, by the closeness that results. Moments before, I'm thinking "I'm right, he's wrong and this time he'll eat shit, choke and die before I back down." But, somewhere in the back of my mind, I remember what happened the last time one of us shifted and how good it was.

Sometimes it's me who softens (even when I hate to), sometimes it's my Honey. And every time, for 38 years, it changes the dynamic to the point that we can hear each other a little more, understand each other a little better and move towards re-establishing closeness. Deepened.

What's true in the individual level is also true on the group level- political factions, racial tensions, religious differences, family discord- people maintaining rigid positions maintain the status quo or bring about worse, including destruction of one another.  Those that can soften their heart can start the chain reaction of change. Can make the world a better place. Can bring about healing. Can't they? What do you think?

Talking is Good, But We Knew That

My Honey and I were reading about stress reduction the other day. We knew the secret from experience: "talk to each other." Turns out that we were right all along. You've read all the suggestions for handling stress: exercise, meditate, breath. All good. But now they're finding that talking to your spouse or loved ones reduces stress the best. 38 years of marriage taught us that, but it's good to have research back us up. We should have written a book.

It seems too simple, doesn't it? Just talk. Tell folks that care about you and that you care about how you're feeling. Women do that with one another fairly easily on a regular basis but it's good for men too. Talk to your spouse, talk to another trusted relative, talk to a close friend. Do it often. They know you and love you. They hold your highest good in their heart. We're made for that love. It's good for us.

Have a great weekend.

Soft Air and Cartoons

I sit on my balcony as the day turns to evening and the air is soft from a lovely slide back to summer temps. It reminds me of an Irish poem I read that admonished me, as I remember it, to "let him be, he is growing, the air is soft above his head." I love that image of soft air above a child's head. The air feels like that this evening and lets my mind wander. I no longer remember the poem's name but it sounds like it was written by a grandmother.

I remember an incident with my grandfather when I was about six and trying to mow the lawn with his push mower. The details are long gone but he said to me: "You're a disappointment." I felt the sting of that remark like a slap. I didn't know then what I had done to cause it or why he thought that. I couldn't ask him nor could I slough it off. I thought about it for years, turned it over and over in my mind wondering if it belonged to me or not.

One of the blogs I follow, "in search of white space" by erin, had a poem today about a young girl with cancer. Do yourself a favor and check out erin's elegant poetry. It stirred up these thoughts from long ago. Also made me remember the months I spent working as a nurse on a children's cancer ward in Boston back in the 60's and how I ended up appreciating my time there among these brave little ones. I heaped my inadequate aids on the side of healing as disease ravaged their small bodies and they lived as best they could. But what surprised me was the amount of laughter we shared. We watched cartoons and would dissolve in giggles at the slapstick absurdity of cartoons in those days. The kids would try some of the moves themselves and laugh all over again. They taught me how to stay in the moment those wise ones who's names I can still call.

Seems remarkable, this play of presences, past and present that stir up the rich stew of our lives and let us taste it, maybe savor it, once more.

Sonnet 18

From a British Poet during National Poetry month:

William Shakespeare's Sonnet 18 is perhaps the most famous of his 154 sonnets.  Reference to the first line pervades our literature and language. Some see this sonnet as a tribute to the power of art or as the appreciation of the transient nature of life and beauty. But the sonnet is also a beautiful tribute to love.

So I dedicate this sonnet to my love, John, to celebrate his birthday and his exquisite love for me, our daughter and our grandchildren. "As long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this gives life to thee." Those who know John know how true this is, his love for family and friends defines him, gives him life.

Give yourself a treat, read this with fresh eyes as if you had never heard it before. Let it delight you.


Sonnet 18


Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometimes declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimmed;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest:
Nor shall Death brag thou wanderest in his shade
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

William Shakespeare
(1564 - 1616)

This is quintessential John: piled high with stuffed animals and dolls by our granddaughter for their photo together and he just said "sure".

p.s. Buona Pasqua (Happy Easter)!

The Gate To Love

I wasn't able to post on Valentine's Day (or since, but that's another story!) so I saved these photos taken in a friend's garden in Trinidad which reminded me of love.

 Love is a gate, isn't it? The gate to a whole other world - the world of our beloved. 

It's our opportunity to see things from a different perspective, from another inside- out as we can only do with a loved one. Who else would share so deeply? So personally? 

And we receive the gift of an expanded world, a change of mind, a jump shift in view, a way out of ourselves and into the stream of life, of love. 

We lovers are fortunate. If I can just say to myself: "What can I learn?" 

rather than "How can I defend?", then it's all just learning, and growing into a bigger self. 

Then joy awaits through this gate opened by love.

Thank you, John, for being my gate to a bigger world than mine alone. 

Thank you for loving me for all these 37 years with your sweet, constant love

and for discovering with me the wonders behind the gate.

It's been worth the risk, beyond my wildest dreams.

Their Map

This is in respose to Theme Thursday's prompt, "map":

She watched him as he slept.

She never tired of his face,

remarkable in its change over their 37 years together,

the warm familiarity of it despite the lines etched there.

She thought of them as the map of their journey.

There are the lines from his easy smile that lights up his face and her heart.

There are the lines from his worry about their daughter when she was sick
near death and so very tiny.
 There are the lines from his grief when they lost the baby
and he feared for her life as well.

There are the lines from his fierce love,
arrow straight and true, uneeringly true, a thing to be relied on she knew.

His face, their map, chronicles their story, reminds her how far they've come,

it guides those who take time to read it. 

Water From Your Spring

Water From Your Spring

What was in that candle's light

that opened and consumed me so quickly?

Come back, my friend. The form of our love

is not a created form.

Nothing can help me but that beauty.

There was a dawn I remember

when my soul heard something from your soul.

I drank water from your spring

and felt the current take me.

Rumi

Rumi Reminds Me

Maybe because he's been gone this week and last with only 2 days together in between. Or maybe because I've heard friends saying more than the usual 
number of negative things about their husbands as I'm missing mine. Or maybe because I had an affection spasm when talking with him on Skype last 
night as he was so sweetly supportive about my computer data retrieval problems. Whatever the reason, this part of a Rumi poem made me think of John.

You are the fountain of the sun's light.

I am a willow shadow on the ground.

You make my raggedness silky.

Rumi

Happy 37th!

 
To celebrate our 37th wedding anniversary, my husband and I, together with our visiting daughter and grandchildren, hiked to a wonderful waterfall, walked through a river to get there, found a cave along the way, and swam in a natural "cisterna" pool at the foot of the waterfall. It was a great day in the mountains filled with the kind of fun things that kept delighting all of us of every age- the insects, birds, wild flowers, abundant trees shading us  from the hot sun and then hot sun by the river after dunking in the cold mountain water.

And where do you eat to celebrate a 37th anniversary in Italy when your grandchildren are visiting? You go out for pizza, of course. We went to a place where my daughter (who has celiac disease) could order gluten free pizza right off the menu. It was a first for her and a real treat. When I decided to wear a dressy dress anyway even though it was a pizza restaurant,  it reminded me of my whole decision struggle with 1 vs. 2 piece bathing suits at age 64.


A big decision in the land of mostly 2 piece bathing suits - whether or not to get one... and then whether or not to wear one... and then whether or not to post the photo if I was in the 2 piece bathing suit. But, it's one of the lessons of Italy- land of "our bodies, ourselves", bodies of all size, bodies of all ages, let them be as they are and let them play in the sun. Kind of freeing so I'm going with it!


And, as for 37 years with my Honey- I'm so very grateful for those years, with John, in love. I'm grateful for the adventures, for the personal and couple growth we've been graced to experience. I say in my "about me" section of the blog that who I looked for was a strong and mighty oak but who I found was the clear blue sky. I'm glad I got over myself, recognized the gift I was offered and scooped it up eagerly. That was a good decision! The sweet times, the hard times, the heartbreaks became our life story as we embraced them together. I love our life.


Thanks for the memories, Dear One. Thanks for loving me, our daughter and our grandchildren as you do. You're my teacher as well as my lover. I'm grateful.

But Wait- It's an Emergency!

Some things never change wherever we live. Day before yesterday at the beach I was in the sea with John. I was ready to go back to the umbrella when he encouraged me to stay. "Let's talk." I like to talk, like to hear John's take on things, like that he was extending this invitation so I said: "Sure!" "Will this count for later?" he asked with that eager, hopeful look in his eyes. I laughed right out loud!

Some background so you can appreciate this too: Talking is the way to my heart, hence John's favorite question before making love: "Have we talked enough yet?" He's a tactile and visual guy so words need not be exchanged at all as far as he's concerned. But in our 36 years together, we've both learned what's important to the other and have fun accommodating.

Fast forward to yesterday when John had an agenda of "sex later" and was trying to jump start the process. Guys- you gotta love em!

But wait, this is serious! Yesterday Mental P Mama posted the Aquarius (that's me) Horoscope for 6/21- 6/27 and it said that Mercury is "remaining in your romantic and creative sector until Friday..." That's potentially problematic given the short time frame but the alarming part is that it then said: "this is the last activity in your romantic and creative sector for the year." For the year?! And this is only June? For the year? It is an emergency!

So, it turns out that John had the right idea. I asked him if we shouldn't actually have a long-term affair with each other given the astrological outlook. Guess what- he agreed!

Let's (Really) Talk

Sometimes we need to stop, clear away other responsibilities, make time, set the time and just talk. Yesterday was such a time for John and me. We can tell it's time when little things become way bigger than they really are. Like when we're arguing about which piece of mail should be left on top of the pile, each of us defending our opinion! It's probably definitely not about the mail pile. When I'm feeling misunderstood and under-appreciated, chances are he is too (he was).

So we finally sat down outside on these yellow chairs with a glass of wine and talked about what's really going on in our heads and our hearts. It started as silly bickering but finally shifted into the deeper sharing that brings us closer. It reminded me of the song by Angela Lansbury in "Beauty and the Beast" that describes the fight to be right and the line: "...then someone bends unexpectedly" which someone must do so real listening, sharing and loving can happen. It did.

Sometimes it's John who bends, steps one small step off the reiteration of the same complaints and instead picks up on what I might mean in what I'm saying. Last evening, it was me who took the step. I heard John say that he had an unexpected reaction to an important email. "You did? What was it, sounds like it might have been hard for you." It changed the whole dynamic and we started really communicating with each other rather than defending our positions.

My beloved husband recognized a new dimension he thinks he's entering that scared him in its implication. I got to hear about it and him and it was so much more interesting and vital than whatever we were doing before that point. It brought me closer to him and more supportive of him in the difficult choices he now gets to make. I love that part of being a life partner, the part when I get to see the world through wholly other eyes and have my world expanded.

In 36 years of marriage we've had this experience many times but it's always thrilling to me. It's built up my trust that we can do it yet again when we need to- once I get over myself and my friggin persistent need to be right! "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" I ask myself. My higher self knows the best answer.

It works for us. What works best for you?

Addition: Simple Joy #11

I forgot a very important joy on my list of May 10, which makes it uneven but HAS to be acknowledged none-the-less. Simple joy #11 comes to me courtesy of John, my honey. He travels out of the country regularly for business and do you know what he does for me? He makes meals and leaves them in the fridge. So I was eating one of them the day I composed my list. Plus, his cooking is in itself simple and flavorful using fresh local ingredients and the herbs that we grow on our balcony.

He's the cook for us - a most excellent cook. So when he leaves, he takes care of me by preparing meals ahead of time. He's thoughtful that way, special, and I'm spoiled. I mean, this man goes to cooking classes to become an even better chef and loves going. He reads cook books regularly- orders them online, reads them and gets excited: "What do you think about this?" he asks me. "Doesn't it sound good?" Then he experiments with delicious dishes to expand our already tasty repertoire.

And that's not the end of it. He even likes to shop to buy the food for the dishes he plans. Now that is LOVE. I'm so grateful to be his life partner, best friend and all round good buddy. I'm sure this simple joy of eating the food John makes is deeper because his secret ingredient is love. I can taste it.

Love's Consent

This week's prompt for 100 words of prose or poetry is "consent."
This is my entry.
For more visit here.

The day was clear and cloudless the first day she saw him. Hot with the extreme heat of August in the rain forest. Sweet, she thought as she looked at him, beautiful. She spent a lot of time swinging in the hammock skin to skin. Counted fingers and toes, stroked the silkiness of him, welcomed this first grandchild. The soft awe, nurturing, cherishing felt familiar. What surprised her was the ferocity that overcame her. The head over heals, ready to die for, fierce bear, all out committed love. Her advice to grandmothers ever since: consent to fall utterly in love.