Acts Of Kindness

Reading the post by Lou (Lou ) made me think about all the generous acts of kindness I've received and how they've touched my heart. One of the great outcomes is that we tell each other these stories and everyone has a happier heart. They're the alternative but real news of the day.

My husband was telling me that when a person does an act of kindness, it raises their immunity level and the levels of the one to whom they are kind and any onlookers as well! I wonder if that stretches to those who hear the story of that kindness? I bet it does. Maybe that's why our heart feels warm when we read them.

I received a "thanks" from American Airlines and it's surprisingly good. I'm sharing it here because it made me feel good watching it. It actually contains profound messages that are pertinent to this post: "There's joy to be found in the moment".

The American Airlines message is below.

Happy Holidays from American Airlines

Happy Holidays from American Airlines

Posted using ShareThis

Poem Of The Week, Love After Love

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door,
in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the others welcome
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was yourself.
Give wine. Give bread.
Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your own life.

-Derek Walcott

I love this poem for so beautifully describing one of the most important but oh so difficult tasks to accomplish in this life phase.

My Biggest Lesson

Yesterday was my daughter's birthday and it got me thinking about the wonders of raising her. I've always liked my daughter and her friends, still do. I'm very fortunate to have a great relationship with her, her husband and her 2 children. I do count my blessings daily for that!

Also makes me realize, though, how much work I (we) have put into this relationship so that it keeps growing, changing, being satisfying. We hit a snag at one point. All right, a gigantic hurdle that I actually feared I wouldn't be able to scale. Kelly was finished college and making (big, major) decisions that I didn't agree with.

We didn't get far on our own and went to a family therapist for some help. The one thing I was sure of is that I didn't want to lose my relationship with my daughter, nor did her father. Anyway, I was sure the therapist would see our side of things, agree and tell Kelly the error of her ways. I really thought this. I really thought I wanted this. It's not what happened.

What the therapist said instead was that our daughter was an adult making her own decisions and that our job was not just to accept her decisions but celebrate them. I was truly dumbfounded! I said to myself: "That will NEVER happen!". Later I cried and carried on to my husband. He heard me out. He's great that way. I came back to my bottom line- I won't lose my daughter over this, or anything.

Well, I did what the therapist suggested. Kelly wasn't asking for advice, she was telling me her decision. I accepted it and her and trusted her to do what was right for her. As for celebrating her decision, I had to fake it until I could make it, but celebrate it I did. Eventually for really real.

And of course 10 years down the road I've come to see the wisdom of her choice, that it was exactly right for her and was/is a blessing for her, for our family, for the world community (really!). I deeply respect and admire her, this daughter, this woman living her life so on purpose.

Motherhood has taught me a lot but I think this was my most important lesson and I'm grateful for the 3 of us doing all we had to do to make this happen. It was the transition from a parenting role to relating as adults in all that that implies. It smacked me up against my wants-to-be-boss-of-the-world side and my don't-I-get-to-be-boss-at-least-with-my-own-daughter side and put me in my place. In a good way. It got me into Codependents Anonymous and boy did I need that! But that's another story.

RE: The Guest Post

Further thoughts from a new elder on Nan's guest post:

> I like the role she maps out for me as unconditional grandchild lover. Considering how seriously I took my responsibility to bring up their mother "well", I'm surprised how easily I let all that be their parent's job and not mine. Okay, okay I do have my standards but I really see the responsibility as primarily their parent's. It feels good to let that go and just enjoy and help them "feel special and adored" as Nan said. They are!

> "With grandparents, their lives are enriched." My grandchildren are citizens of 2 countries, USA and Trinidad. They live in a small village in the rain forest of Trinidad and their lives are rich in nature, beauty and the love of 2 parents who work from home. (See their home under "Links I Love") All in the safety net of village life. I, too, see my role to further enrich their lives by exposing them to a whole other world that we inhabit. Up to now- Maine, Antigua and Italy. This includes travel to these places (and Florida, Philadelphia, Boston), vacations exploring them and adventures they can't experience where they live. Everything from Disney World to museums and even some shopping excursions. Italy is for next summer and I can hardly wait! Is there a richer place in history, art, architecture or culture? I hope it expands their world as it is mine.

> Nan spoke of the role elders have in her life as well. Of her life being enriched by their education and experience. Hence the importance of continuing to read, learn, have adventures, explore and keep growing myself. Of course for me but also for my family. They can take care of themselves well, my job is to take care of me, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Make my life rich for me and to enrich others. That, and tell the stories, the "gossip", the family history, the thoughts and insights I have. I like her image of doing that over a cup of tea, or in between time together, via Skype, email, facebook and blogs. Communication, staying in touch, is the way the "glue" that holds family together is spread.

> Nan said the "New Elders" are an evolving phenomenon and that we're finding a place in the evolution of the species. I hope so. I think the world needs our voices. I'm conscientiously trying to find that place and speak up. And I'm reading other elder bloggers that are as well. They're my inspiration and support. So is Nan and my daughter, Kelly and my wonderful nieces. I love and admire these young women! Our future is in good hands.

> But my favorite thing Nan said? That we're "groovy young grannies"! It gives me a boost just to say it. Thanks for your gracious generosity and wisdom, Nan. It's good to know we're all in it together!

Kaleidoscope Children

This post is in response to Velvet Verbosity's 100 word challenge: kaleidoscope.






Kaleidoscope Children

Prophecies come in dreams.
In my dream daughter
ate the tall plant in our house. I
feared it would take her, evolve
her into a new life form. It grew
wild, filled the house.

This greenwoman staked
her place on mother earth, glimpsed
her power connected
to dark rain forest plant people. Spoke
anew "all my relations."

It's specific, this
injunction. Leads to love. Brings
combinations of colors in shifting patterns. Enchanting
Little Ones mirror, mesmerize, evolve us all.

I panicked in my dream. Demanded
"No more plant eating!"
As if I could stop it,
or needed to.

Guest Post: New Elders (or Groovy Young Grannies!)

I had the good fortune to win Nan's contest (http://thingsivefoundinpockets.blogspot.com) to name the column she's writing for the Bournemouth Echo (Island Hopping). The prize is having Nan as a guest blogger! You'll like her writing.
I seized the opportunity to ask a member of the next generation what she wants from her elders for herself and her children. I like her answer. Who doesn't like being called the "New Elder" or a "Groovy Young Granny". This might start a trend to ask other guest bloggers to address this question. Thanks, Nan.

Guest Post:

The word “Elder” used to refer to a precious few people. In the days before antibiotics, retirement and central heating our lifespans were so much shorter than they are now that few people ever knew their great-grandparents.

My children have been fortunate enough to know two great-grandmothers well: They have told their stories of life in the olden days, the first car they ever saw, breaking ice to wash their faces in the morning, watching buildings bombed during two wars, getting a “new” dress cut down from three previous sisters. The great-grandmothers are the “Crones”, the storytellers.

Mary has asked me what I think of the New Elders, the groovy young grannies. Mum and I have also talked about the way the world has changed. When I was little we spent, as far as I remember, EVERY SINGLE Sunday with my nearby grandparents, and distant grandparents would come and visit for months! Grandparents nowadays are a different breed. They have a busy schedule and projects galore which keep them busy and make them interesting. My generation do not expect our mothers to be on-call babysitters. What DO I think of this? How do our parents enrich our lives now?

My youngest son Max seemed to hit the nail on the head recently. He told his Grandmother that he didn’t have any jammies. Now this was not strictly true, he has plenty of perfectly fine jammies. But what he really meant was “I need special, different jammies handmade by my Grandmother.” These are jammies that no-one else has. They are funky and when he wears them, he knows that he is loved especially.

The special love that my kids get from their grandparents has helped to make them what they are. An interest in plants leads to gardening expeditions and botany lessons. Grandparent “playing” on the potters wheel? The grandchildren join in the game. Special, favourite food? Grandma will cook it best. We all need to feel special and adored, and grandparents fill that role nicely, while parents to do the “dirty work” of discipline, carrots and bedtime. With his parents, a child’s needs are met. With his grandparents, his life is enriched.

What about me? I am enriched by my parents’ education and experience. If Mum has read a great book or spoken to a great person, I can get the rundown, the information. My parents (and in-laws) notice things about the kids that I might not, and give valuable advice. Even if I don’t agree, the discussion is good. I’m lucky. My dealings with my Elders have been almost entirely positive. I need the experiences of my Elders in a rapidly changing world. I need to be reminded what it was like to raise a child thirty years ago, when TV only existed for a few hours a day. I need the family gossip and history. I need a thousand cups of tea and information.

The Elders are also the ones who glue the family together. Who is in charge of Christmas Lunch? Certainly not me, though I file the recipes away (recipes for stuffing, seating and calm) for the day when I am an Elder myself.

Looking online, I find HUNDREDS of excellent websites by Elders, for Elders, wondering what their position is in this new world. Many of those sites have discussion forums where young people flock to ask questions or find a listening ear. We young people seem to know intuitively that the Elders have the answers. Or if not the answers, then the right questions. I suspect that the New Elders are an evolving phenomenon. It will be interesting to see what happens in the next generation. I wonder what sociologists think? The New Elders need a place in the Evolution of Man, and I think they’ve found it.

A Time I Had Magic

This was written in response to the prompt "give" by The 100 Word Challenge of Velvet Verbosity in the belief that there are many ways to give life.




A Time I Had Magic

I saved a life once.
On a Nebraska Reservation
a baby boy was born
blue, limp, silent.

The doctor, a stranger
to these people and tired
said: "Leave him,
he will die."

His mother turned
her head, refused to hold him,
said: "Take him away,
he has eleven fingers."

I was his nurse.
I focused on him,
massaged his feet,
stroked his still chest.

Life loitered,
crept in slowly.
He breathed,
he moved,
turned pink.

Connected to life,
I fed it to him
like milk.
Whispered: "Welcome, little boy."

It was that kind of magic.