Happy 94th, Dad

My father just celebrated his 94th birthday. He lives in Boston so I called him to wish him Happiness. He's sharp as a tack and asked me about some current events he had read of in his news magazine. I had no clue because he's better read than I am about all that.

So I changed the topic and asked him how he was feeling:

"Oh, I'm slowing down quite a bit and I don't like that at all."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Dad. So, what are you planning to do for your birthday then?"

"I'm going dancing at a resort in New Hampshire for the weekend. You know that band I like? Well, they're playing and invited me to go and come back in their bus. I'm their oldest follower."

Does that mean my father's a groupie? At 94?

He went, he danced, he had a great time. You gotta love it!

Happy Birthday, Dad.

Celebrating Crones

This year marked our family's 7th annual woman's gathering of my daughter and 8 nieces with my sister-in-law and me, for a yearly circle of sharing and support. A bit about the wonderful history of this gathering is on my 11/07/09 post entitled: "The Gathering, 2009".

Each year we select a theme and this year's was "Celebrating Crones" (that would be us above!). For the first time the young women of our next generation did all the planning and carrying out of the day's agenda. It was a lovely "croning" ritual, a day of affirmation and honoring for me and my sister-in-law. I felt very special on the receiving end of their ministrations and deeply touched by their thoughtful words and beautiful ceremony.The 4 little ones of the 3rd generation even made our "crowns" to be a part of it all. A great symbol since Jean Shinoda Bolen in her book: "Crones Don't Whine" says that becoming a crone is the crowning inner achievement of the third phase of a woman's life.

This croning ceremony is a wonderful way to celebrate reaching this phase and I recommend it as a way to acknowledge our age  and wisdom and claim our unique place in the circle of our families and life.

I formerly posted a wonderful quote about crones from Frank MacEowen's book "The Spiral of Memory and Belonging" that bears repeating: "In contrast to these modern usages, the words 'crone' and 'cailleach' were traditionally associated with healing, wisdom, initiation into the ways of the Otherworld, and the stirring mysteries of the earth. The crone, sometimes appearing as the dark goddess, is the keeper of hidden knowledge and is considered a guardian."

Healing, wisdom, initiation, mysteries of the earth, keeper and guardian! Doesn't that sound luscious? We older women have become separated from this powerful place of ancient knowledge and energy. A ceremony can  inspire us to seek ways to reclaim this role which our culture sorely needs but is afraid of. Initiatory energy is about the importance of finding ways to mentor younger women that happens when we gather together to grow individually and collectively and support one another.


Crones are elder women, wise and powerful. Bolen in her yummy little book describes crones as "juicy"- full of zest and deeply involved in life! And Margaret Meade described this stage as women with "pmz" - post menopausal zest!  All the authors encourage finding new ways to be, become and benefit community as we listen to our inner wisdom. As we change ourselves and give ourselves, we change the world.

Bolen ammends the fourth prescription for how we change the world from:
1. Show up.
2. Pay attention.
3. Speak your truth.
4. Let go of the outcome. to: Pray for the best outcome.

These 4 simple, powerful goals have always seemed reassuringly doable to me and keeping it that simple has gotten me through some tough times when I felt paralyzed. My friend, Annee, taught me these when I was in such a time. I posted them on my refrigerator to read them each day to remind myself that that's all I had to do. She (and they) saved my life then and here they are again to re-inspire me in this new phase.

Bolen also says: "As spiritual beings on a human path, what we do at a soul level in the third phase will likely turn out to be the most important." This yearly family woman's gathering is part of what I do at this soul level. It matters deeply to me. It brings me joy. And I love each one of these amazing women! I savor my time with them. I'm grateful for my relationship with them.

What's getting you excited these days?

Suncatchers, Pansies and Celtic Goddesses

This post has no cohesive theme except the random things that are happening in my world these days. Spring is so sprung right now and it puts me in such a great mood. Relishing simple things like re-potting geraniums and begonias and rosemary, mint, chives, oregano, thyme and parsley in the sunshine, walking hand in hand with my husband in the sunshine, reading poetry on the balcony in the sunshine, even hanging a sun catcher with millions of little mirrors that spin around and throw sparkles everywhere. It lifted my spirits to do these things and brought me back to the now where all the good things are happening. it is indeed the present.

My neighbor was out planting pansies and sprucing up his garden so I asked him to be my language buddy and converse with me in Italian. What better indicator could I use to choose? I've taken the suggestions I received about learning Italian to heart and am grateful for them! I feel more hopeful. And I went to Rigoletto the other night. Listening to opera in Italian was great because they say each word more slowly so I understand more. Then my friend wrote today and also recommended listening to music but for a different reason: because music enters into the right side of the brain and allows a deeper and quicker integration of the language. We have many beautiful Italian songs so that's gladly on my daily to do list as well!

Lastly, I came across a wonderful quote about crones in Frank MacEowen's book "The Spiral of Memory and Belonging":
"In contrast to these modern usages, the words 'crone' and 'cailleach' were traditionally associated with healing, wisdom, initiation into the ways of the Otherworld, and the stirring mysteries of the earth. The crone, sometimes appearing as the dark goddess, is the keeper of hidden knowledge and is considered a guardian."

Healing, wisdom, initiation, mysteries of the earth! Doesn't that sound luscious? Made me sad at how far we older women have separated from this powerful place of ancient knowledge and energy. But it also inspired me to continue to seek ways to reclaim this role which our culture sorely needs but is so afraid of. Initiatory energy reminded me of the importance of mentoring younger women. I'm doing this with my daughter and 8 nieces when we gather together each year to grow individually and support one another. What are others doing? Let's talk!

RE: The Guest Post

Further thoughts from a new elder on Nan's guest post:

> I like the role she maps out for me as unconditional grandchild lover. Considering how seriously I took my responsibility to bring up their mother "well", I'm surprised how easily I let all that be their parent's job and not mine. Okay, okay I do have my standards but I really see the responsibility as primarily their parent's. It feels good to let that go and just enjoy and help them "feel special and adored" as Nan said. They are!

> "With grandparents, their lives are enriched." My grandchildren are citizens of 2 countries, USA and Trinidad. They live in a small village in the rain forest of Trinidad and their lives are rich in nature, beauty and the love of 2 parents who work from home. (See their home under "Links I Love") All in the safety net of village life. I, too, see my role to further enrich their lives by exposing them to a whole other world that we inhabit. Up to now- Maine, Antigua and Italy. This includes travel to these places (and Florida, Philadelphia, Boston), vacations exploring them and adventures they can't experience where they live. Everything from Disney World to museums and even some shopping excursions. Italy is for next summer and I can hardly wait! Is there a richer place in history, art, architecture or culture? I hope it expands their world as it is mine.

> Nan spoke of the role elders have in her life as well. Of her life being enriched by their education and experience. Hence the importance of continuing to read, learn, have adventures, explore and keep growing myself. Of course for me but also for my family. They can take care of themselves well, my job is to take care of me, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Make my life rich for me and to enrich others. That, and tell the stories, the "gossip", the family history, the thoughts and insights I have. I like her image of doing that over a cup of tea, or in between time together, via Skype, email, facebook and blogs. Communication, staying in touch, is the way the "glue" that holds family together is spread.

> Nan said the "New Elders" are an evolving phenomenon and that we're finding a place in the evolution of the species. I hope so. I think the world needs our voices. I'm conscientiously trying to find that place and speak up. And I'm reading other elder bloggers that are as well. They're my inspiration and support. So is Nan and my daughter, Kelly and my wonderful nieces. I love and admire these young women! Our future is in good hands.

> But my favorite thing Nan said? That we're "groovy young grannies"! It gives me a boost just to say it. Thanks for your gracious generosity and wisdom, Nan. It's good to know we're all in it together!

Guest Post: New Elders (or Groovy Young Grannies!)

I had the good fortune to win Nan's contest (http://thingsivefoundinpockets.blogspot.com) to name the column she's writing for the Bournemouth Echo (Island Hopping). The prize is having Nan as a guest blogger! You'll like her writing.
I seized the opportunity to ask a member of the next generation what she wants from her elders for herself and her children. I like her answer. Who doesn't like being called the "New Elder" or a "Groovy Young Granny". This might start a trend to ask other guest bloggers to address this question. Thanks, Nan.

Guest Post:

The word “Elder” used to refer to a precious few people. In the days before antibiotics, retirement and central heating our lifespans were so much shorter than they are now that few people ever knew their great-grandparents.

My children have been fortunate enough to know two great-grandmothers well: They have told their stories of life in the olden days, the first car they ever saw, breaking ice to wash their faces in the morning, watching buildings bombed during two wars, getting a “new” dress cut down from three previous sisters. The great-grandmothers are the “Crones”, the storytellers.

Mary has asked me what I think of the New Elders, the groovy young grannies. Mum and I have also talked about the way the world has changed. When I was little we spent, as far as I remember, EVERY SINGLE Sunday with my nearby grandparents, and distant grandparents would come and visit for months! Grandparents nowadays are a different breed. They have a busy schedule and projects galore which keep them busy and make them interesting. My generation do not expect our mothers to be on-call babysitters. What DO I think of this? How do our parents enrich our lives now?

My youngest son Max seemed to hit the nail on the head recently. He told his Grandmother that he didn’t have any jammies. Now this was not strictly true, he has plenty of perfectly fine jammies. But what he really meant was “I need special, different jammies handmade by my Grandmother.” These are jammies that no-one else has. They are funky and when he wears them, he knows that he is loved especially.

The special love that my kids get from their grandparents has helped to make them what they are. An interest in plants leads to gardening expeditions and botany lessons. Grandparent “playing” on the potters wheel? The grandchildren join in the game. Special, favourite food? Grandma will cook it best. We all need to feel special and adored, and grandparents fill that role nicely, while parents to do the “dirty work” of discipline, carrots and bedtime. With his parents, a child’s needs are met. With his grandparents, his life is enriched.

What about me? I am enriched by my parents’ education and experience. If Mum has read a great book or spoken to a great person, I can get the rundown, the information. My parents (and in-laws) notice things about the kids that I might not, and give valuable advice. Even if I don’t agree, the discussion is good. I’m lucky. My dealings with my Elders have been almost entirely positive. I need the experiences of my Elders in a rapidly changing world. I need to be reminded what it was like to raise a child thirty years ago, when TV only existed for a few hours a day. I need the family gossip and history. I need a thousand cups of tea and information.

The Elders are also the ones who glue the family together. Who is in charge of Christmas Lunch? Certainly not me, though I file the recipes away (recipes for stuffing, seating and calm) for the day when I am an Elder myself.

Looking online, I find HUNDREDS of excellent websites by Elders, for Elders, wondering what their position is in this new world. Many of those sites have discussion forums where young people flock to ask questions or find a listening ear. We young people seem to know intuitively that the Elders have the answers. Or if not the answers, then the right questions. I suspect that the New Elders are an evolving phenomenon. It will be interesting to see what happens in the next generation. I wonder what sociologists think? The New Elders need a place in the Evolution of Man, and I think they’ve found it.