The View from My Balcony

Last night's sunset over the Majella Mountains:

This morning's sunrise over the Adriatic Sea:

With today sunny and in the 70's for my walk on the beach and warm memories from dinner last evening with good friends, I'm feeling grateful.

Grateful for Annee

 “At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” — Albert Schweitzer




I've had a chance to work again with my good friend, Annee, here at Crossroads. Our careers have criss crossed and thrown us together in three facilities (the other two in California) over the years, oh happy fate. I call her my wise friend because she is and she's generous in sharing her wisdom. I've been the recipient many times and one time she saved my life, you know, the way girl friends can do. I was immobilized with hurt and fear and didn't know what to do next. I called Annee. She said: just show up, pay attention, tell the truth, and let go of the outcome. I thought to myself, I can do that, and that thought gave me hope. I saw the way out and it was simple. I wrote those words down and put them on my refrigerator and read them every day, clung to them as to a life raft, did them as my only requirement. It changed everything of course. It's how friends can change each other's lives.


So, in between our work, we gab and float and luxuriate in time together. Makes my heart happy. And grateful.

Make it Right

This is my new next door neighbor who has greeted me the last two mornings and started my day with beauty. Flowers of all varieties and colors abound here but she caught my eye and made me grateful for such loveliness.

Perhaps I've been more aware of her because of a wonderful thing that occurred two days ago. My beach bag had been stolen out of my car on the way home from the beach on Sunday when I got out of the car at an overlook to take photos. It held my cell phone, running watch and temporary driver's license along with a small amount of money. I was discouraged, angry and my heart felt heavy. But, on Tuesday I received a call from the local police to come to the station for my bag. They said a mother came into the station and said "I'm returning this." Not "I found this" but "I'm returning this."

I can only imagine the rest of the story and the heartache involved for her but I thank her and bless her and acknowledge how dramatically she changed my experience. My heart felt lighter. I actually skipped to my cottage when I got back. I'm grateful for her compassionate action.

Time Out For Travel

I'm traveling to Trinidad with my Honey to be with our daughter, her husband and our two grandchildren for Christmas. Internet access is dial up in her Rain Forest village so my postings will be curtailed. My Honey is there for a month and I'll be there for two months training to run a half marathon in Florida before returning home. I hope to start some kind of writing project with my grands while there and I'm eager to see what ideas they may have about this. They're ages 9 and 5 and I'd like to hear any suggestions you may have.
I'm excited for it all.

One of the surprises about friends made in the blogosphere is the importance you now have in my life. I couldn't have imagined this BB (before blogging), but I cherish it now. My life is rich and full with the combination of wonderful adventures in Italy/ Europe and via my blog. I'm grateful.
Please accept my best wishes for a holiday season full of joy for you and your families.

TEDxSF - Gratitude

For this Thanksgiving weekend, I offer this gorgeous video containing so much that I'm grateful for and some amazing time lapse photography for your viewing pleasure. Take 10 minutes and enjoy.
I'm ever so grateful for this blog world I've discovered and for each of you. Grazie mille.

Friendship

The whirl and swirl of the Willow Ball are sweet memories now. What a grand time I had, but all the extravagance, all the glamor, gorgeous as it was brought me back to bedrock today. It certainly enhanced friendships and forged new ones and it struck me how important this is, even in a virtual world. But more I thought of the ways that the friendships closest to home shape and sustain us and how vital it is to nurture and be grateful for these, our most precious relationships.

C.S.Lewis said it well:

“It seems no wonder if our ancestors regarded Friendship as something that raised us almost above humanity. This love, free from instinct, free from all duties but those which love has freely assumed, almost wholly free from jealousy, and free without qualification from the need to be needed, is eminently spiritual. It is the sort of love one can imagine between angels.”

                                                                                                              C. S. Lewis




Here's to the angels in my life. Here's to friendship which sustains us. I'm so grateful.

Final Vacation Photos

It's hard to post about all that went on in a month once it's all over. But here are some favorite photos of  special times jockeying for remembrance.

Best friends for 37 years! Imagine our conversations after all these years, first as young wives, mothers, grandmothers and now as elders conscientiously seeking our place in the scheme of things. Such a friendship nourishes and sustains me on my journey. Our children are friends as are our grandchildren. How very special. Thanks for your friendship, Cindy. Here's to many more years of memories and helping each other grow.

Our favorite get away spot in Perkins Cove, Maine.

As is this, tranquil and lovely on this quintessential summer, Maine day.

Speaking of Maine, my favorite lighthouse in my favorite park to run, walk, beach and hang out in - Portland Head Light in Fort Williams Park, Cape Elizabeth. It's 90 acres of beauty across the street from where I used to live.

Also in Cape Elizabeth is the Lobster Shack serving the best lobster rolls ever made in the most glorious setting imaginable on wooden picnic tables surrounded by rocks and ocean. Everyone gets mesmerized.

I visit there with my favorite diva, good friend, great shopping companion and hostess extraordinaire, Margaret and her husband, Malcolm. They opened a whole new world in introducing me to opera when I lived across the street from them. I've seen them perform professionally numerous times including in  Dusseldorf, Germany last year. A great example of friends who enrich my life.

Everyones mood is lightened in such a setting, where we get back to the basics of family, friends and sharing food. My daughter and the grands got the giggles while trying to cuddle on a chair made of stone.

Here's the best symbol of the love around my niece's wedding in Florida - the cupcakes! See how each one has a different, personal decoration meant to be meaningful to the loving couple. It was remarkable to watch each be decorated with such attention, care and love.

I love watching friendships develop at our family gatherings, first among my daughter and nieces, and also among my grandchildren and their cousins. Somehow I see this as a shoring up for them against life's vicissitudes. A strengthening of this singularly important ability, the ability to form lasting friendships.

To say nothing of having all those aunties are in your corner, loving, supporting and cheering you on.

Cheering all accomplishments, including my great- nephew, who is on the autistic spectrum, learning to ride a bike by himself, without training wheels, while we were together. Was he proud of himself! Were we proud of him! Way to go, TJ!

There's lots to be grateful for. Sometimes it's good to review the photos and the memories and actually count those blessings. It's a long list...


What's top on your gratitude list?

My Top Twenty from Two Years in Italy

Two years ago I moved to Italy with my Honey. My life has changed in both subtle and dramatic ways as a result. It has been a grand adventure.

The top 20 things I've learned:

1. Making friends is the glue that holds life together and international friends are fun.

2. To think globally rather than nationally is not just a good idea, it's vital.

3. Italy challenges me in every way possible. If I don't understand, I need to dig deeper. Still don't understand, dig deeper still. Give up my preconceptions - see in a new way. Learn a new language to make understanding possible.

4. Learning a new language for the first time in my 60's is difficult. Finding a good teacher makes it possible. Finding a kind and encouraging one is golden. Thank you, Marcello.

5. Clothes can be dried outside without a clothes dryer and smell better, too.

6. Fresh, locally grown food tastes better, costs less and is better for me and the planet.

7. Bidets are great sinks for 4 year olds.

8. Growing basil, rosemary, hot peppers, celery, chive, mint, parsley, oregano and arugula on my balcony tastes better, saves money and is better for me and the planet.

9. Growing lavender helps the beleaguered honey bees, smells good and gives me fresh potpourri.

10. Natural rising is one of life's great pleasures.

11. Discovering more about my natural rhythms and having more relaxed time makes for better sex in my 60's. Afternoon delights are just that.

12. Good neighbors are a gift of pure grace.

13. Italy delights me in every way possible- the people, the food, the national parks, the sea and mountains, Rome, Venice, Assisi, Florence, Sienna, Sardinia, the sweep of history, the ancient architecture, the amazing art and so much more...

14. Locally grown wines from our region of Abruzzo - Montepulciano (red) and Trebiano (white), are delicious.

15. Fresh, local olive oil is surely a gift from the goddess.

16. A good woman's club is a great way to integrate into an area.

17. Having easy access to Europe for travel to Ireland, France, Germany, Switzerland, and The Netherlands (so far) is a wonderful way to expand my mind, deepen my understanding, and bond me to fellow travelers on this journey of ours.

18. Exposing grandchildren to all this expands their world and minds as well.

19. Running three times a week keeps me healthy and lets me eat more of this uniquely scrumptious food while maintaining my weight.

20. Blogging keeps me more aware of the blessings I have. It forces me to put this journey into words and share it. For the responses I have received and the relationships I have developed, I am truly grateful.

Friends Right in The Family

I had no sisters growing up so when one of my brothers got married, his bride to be, who also had no sisters, said she was thrilled to finally have a sister. Our paths criss crossed after that; we lived far apart mostly, close together for a short time, had our children, became absorbed with all that goes with raising a family, and circled each other with rare but important connections. Then her world as she knew it fell apart and she and my brother got divorced. We lived half the country apart at that time. Sometimes, though, loss in one area frees up deeper connections in another.

It happened nine years ago when I moved back to New England from California and wanted to get to know my nieces better, reestablish contact with them, get to know them as adults. I called a gathering in Maine of my daughter and eight nieces. My husband's sister offered to come and help and I was glad. Then, something unexpected happened; three of my nieces called and asked if their mother, my sister-in-law, could be involved as well. If all three of her daughters wanted it, she was in. We had our first gathering in 2004. All nine young women and the three crones attended. We had our 7th gathering in 2010 and everyone has attended every year, except my husband's sister who died of breast cancer in 2007.

Magic and miracles have occurred, one of them is the friendship with my sister-in-law. Although, now I call her my sister and feel grateful that I can. In the process of sharing, supporting and being together, we've grown closer, become dear friends. We visit twice a year, shop together, gab about our grandchildren, travel together, have a great time together and look forward to more. She's had health challenges that worry her. But I know in my heart that whatever she'll face, we'll face together. We're friends; friends do that for each other.

Thanks for your friendship, G. I love you.

Simple Pleasures

Celebrating simple pleasures because they matter and foster gratitude:

1. A stroll with the one you love and even a quick snuggle.

2. Butterflies and flowers open to the sun.

3. Butterflies that wear their name on their wings (yup, the 89 butterfly)

and enjoy the salt on a friends arm in order to be admired.

4. Walking to school together at 8:25 knowing you'll be on time for an 8:30 start.

5. Knowing just how you want your hair braided

and wearing red ribbons to put some zip in your uniform.

What simple pleasures are you enjoying lately?

Water From Your Spring

Water From Your Spring

What was in that candle's light

that opened and consumed me so quickly?

Come back, my friend. The form of our love

is not a created form.

Nothing can help me but that beauty.

There was a dawn I remember

when my soul heard something from your soul.

I drank water from your spring

and felt the current take me.

Rumi

Whew!

I'm not good at writing when there's lots going on to distract me. Obviously. Not that I'm complaining about my FULL summer, but the blog has suffered and I've missed my blog friends. A quick recap: 2 weeks in FL for vacation and a family gathering, 4 weeks here in Italy for my daughter and 2 grandchildren, 5 days at a friend's wedding in Tuscany and an 8 day visit from my niece and her life partner. Each one special and treasured. It occurs to me that those events would be great topics for sharing more extensively in the blog but I haven't perfected how to take time out (more than once a week) to write with everything happening around me and me wanting to be part of it all.

So, here I am, my heart full of wonderful memories. The good thing, of course, is that I am actually changed by these people and events as I enter into them fully. More important than writing about them I suppose. But still... It's like I have 2 lives and I want to integrate them more. If I write, I don't have time to keep up with friend's blogs. If I read, I don't have time to write. If my life is busy, I don't do either. How do others handle life and blogging?

Changes: I'm more in love with my amazing husband, I'm closer to and had more fun with my daughter and grandchildren, I'm more familiar with and in awe of my little corner of the world in Italy, I made new friends, I deepened bonds with my extended family. I even got my Italian driving license and Health Care Card. All in all, a great summer for which I'm grateful!

My daughter and grandchildren are now home in Trinidad, my grandson is back to school and my granddaughter had her first day of school ever. May they prosper. And, as things slow down to an earth rhythm here, we finally have ALL the documents we need to be elective residents of this beautiful country. Whew!

My Biggest Lesson

Yesterday was my daughter's birthday and it got me thinking about the wonders of raising her. I've always liked my daughter and her friends, still do. I'm very fortunate to have a great relationship with her, her husband and her 2 children. I do count my blessings daily for that!

Also makes me realize, though, how much work I (we) have put into this relationship so that it keeps growing, changing, being satisfying. We hit a snag at one point. All right, a gigantic hurdle that I actually feared I wouldn't be able to scale. Kelly was finished college and making (big, major) decisions that I didn't agree with.

We didn't get far on our own and went to a family therapist for some help. The one thing I was sure of is that I didn't want to lose my relationship with my daughter, nor did her father. Anyway, I was sure the therapist would see our side of things, agree and tell Kelly the error of her ways. I really thought this. I really thought I wanted this. It's not what happened.

What the therapist said instead was that our daughter was an adult making her own decisions and that our job was not just to accept her decisions but celebrate them. I was truly dumbfounded! I said to myself: "That will NEVER happen!". Later I cried and carried on to my husband. He heard me out. He's great that way. I came back to my bottom line- I won't lose my daughter over this, or anything.

Well, I did what the therapist suggested. Kelly wasn't asking for advice, she was telling me her decision. I accepted it and her and trusted her to do what was right for her. As for celebrating her decision, I had to fake it until I could make it, but celebrate it I did. Eventually for really real.

And of course 10 years down the road I've come to see the wisdom of her choice, that it was exactly right for her and was/is a blessing for her, for our family, for the world community (really!). I deeply respect and admire her, this daughter, this woman living her life so on purpose.

Motherhood has taught me a lot but I think this was my most important lesson and I'm grateful for the 3 of us doing all we had to do to make this happen. It was the transition from a parenting role to relating as adults in all that that implies. It smacked me up against my wants-to-be-boss-of-the-world side and my don't-I-get-to-be-boss-at-least-with-my-own-daughter side and put me in my place. In a good way. It got me into Codependents Anonymous and boy did I need that! But that's another story.

Giving Thanks

A number of years ago when I was having a particularly hard time and feeling really awful about my life I read a suggestion to keep a gratitude log listing 5 specific things every day that I was grateful for. I thought it was hokey but I was desperate so I got a spiral notebook and started writing. I felt awkward at first but I kept writing 5 things I was grateful for each day thereafter. Some days it was a pitiful list of things like being grateful I could write at all or grateful that the day dawned after the night. But it taught me gradually to see the blessings all around me rather than just the problems. Actually, before too long, I did start to feel strengthened and grateful for my life rather than overwhelmed by it.

I kept this practice going for a year and liked the discipline of having to be very specific about what I felt grateful for that day. The discipline to train my eye to see all that was there that day rather than just where my fear led me.

Now I find myself more easily recognizing all there is to be grateful for. Today, for instance: 1. I'm grateful for the sun shining into the apartment and warming the living room and kitchen so deliciously. 2. Which brings its corollary- I'm grateful for a temperature of 60 degrees on Nov 24. 3. I'm grateful for the begonia that keeps right on blooming its beautiful red flowers although its siblings have stopped. 4. I'm grateful for the 2 elderly women who delighted in waving and greeting me as I ran by them this morning. 5. I'm grateful for John saying he thought I looked sexy in my outfit today.

Thanksgiving is not celebrated in Italy but I think it's one of the better things the USA has come up with. So, I'm reviewing my gratitude list and realizing it's long. I hope yours is too or that you try keeping a gratitude list until it is.

p.s. On an ongoing basis, I'm grateful for this role of grandmother and for these new little lives in our family. They help me to see the wonder in each moment.