Race

It's the sheer scale of the problem that daunts,

and the skew of things contoured by years

of seeing blacks as shadowed strangers.

Lack of contact clouds judgement, fears

fly without relief from here to the horizon

at each report of black on white crime

with dirt retold on 24 hour news again

and again magnifying fear each time

as if we were waiting to be reoffended.

Are we? Offended is the right word 

but are we? Women are blamed for rape

and violence against them. Absurd.

Only men, allied with women, can stop rape and violence

against women. Only whites, allied with blacks, 

can stop racism. So, increase contact, read, listen,

speak up, speak out, have each other's backs.

Posted for my biracial grandchildren and for Grapeling over at Imaginary Garden with Real Toads who gave us a word list inspired by his plane travel but which I took in another direction in the wake of Ferguson, MO and too many similar incidents. In spite of the scale of the problem, we must believe we can effect change and then do it. If not now, when? If not me, who?

Interview with the Grands

Both of my grands live in the rain forest of Trinidad and are schooled at home using an approach called Unschooling, an interest based (rather than curriculum based) learning. I thought it would be fun to ask them about their lives to see how this approach is working for them. I was impressed at how thoughtfully they answered my questions.


Kahlil, age 11

G. Kahlil, tell me about this photo- why are you dressed up?
K. My mother had a leveling- up party for me when I reached level 55 in Heroes of Order and Chaos, an online game. I was happy to get to that level (now I'm at 63) but sad I only have 7 levels left in the game. This is the outfit I wore for the party. I like the fedora and the purple shirt and tie and think I look awesome in them.

G. You're schooled at home, how do you like that?
K. I like it, especially getting to do the things I'm interested in and enjoy doing rather than what someone else thinks I should be doing.

G. What interests you most these days?
K. Online gaming. My favorite right now is Heroes of Order and Chaos Online. I like it because it's a strategy game and is played with other players all over the world. I get to choose my character and the type of characteristics it has. It lets me do anything, like riding a horse or swordplay. When I'm in a game, lots of types of characters are needed to work cooperatively to achieve levels. I have many friends and I like playing with them. Someday I'd like to design and test games.

G. Tell me about your new business.
K. I'm a Business Manager and represent two businesses so far. My sister has a baking business called Smiles Bakery and my friend has a tie dye business called Color Splash. It's still in the development phase so I've set up a Facebook Page to describe the two businesses and will then develop a website for both of them. I'll help them with the business end of things, like ordering, supplies and money in and out. I'll get a percentage of what they make but we haven't decided how much.

G. What makes you proud of yourself?
K. 1. What I've accomplished in games, the levels I've reached, the characters I've chosen, the friends I've made and the fun I've had.
     2. Helping my sister and my friend in their new businesses.
     3. That I play well with little kids. I like them and they're fun.
     4. That my friends where I live like to come to my house to play.

G. Any last words to my readers?
K. I like to play online games and I know other kids do, too. Tell them to find me and I'll play with them.



Kamala, age 8

G. What do you enjoy doing these days?
K. My favorites things are baking and painting. I like baking because I can try out different things and create things, like when I made a cream cheese and orange frosting for chocolate cupcakes it came out more like a glaze or when I didn't have chocolate chips for cookies, I used cacao nibs in my cookies and people liked them better. I go to You Tube to find new things to make and how to make them.
I like painting because I can do anything and it looks good.

G. Any other interests?
K. Yes, fashion and design. I like to find clothes that look good on me. I look for reasonable prices and something a little extra, like the long necklace that came on my new dress. I also design clothes myself on paper with stencils and colored pencils.

G. What do you like about being schooled at home?
K. I like having lots of free time to do the things I like. I use some work books to learn things but I also Skype you and my friends and do all the other things I'm interested in.

G. Tell me about your new business.
K. It's called Smiles Bakery and I make cupcakes and cookies that people order. I've already had two orders. I made a business card that has a photo of one of my cupcakes and the way to contact me. Mommy got them printed for me but they were my idea.
I like that people can enjoy what I make and that I make money. I'm saving to buy a yogurt machine. I'm thinking about setting up a store front and putting up a sign to sell cupcakes and cookies to hikers and friends.

G. What makes you proud of yourself?
K. Being here right now. Having friends and family to talk to and tell them how I feel. Owning my own business. And my talents, like singing, baking, painting and writing. I'm learning how to write cursive and to spell.

G. Anything else you'd like to say to my readers?
K. I live in nature but I can still pull off a cupcake!

Long Way Home

After a two month visit with my daughter, her husband and the grands, I start my 10 day journey home tomorrow. I stop for some time in Jacksonville to run in the marathon and visit with my sister-in-law and niece. Then back to Italy with spring already in its early stages and into the arms of my Honey. A month apart feels too long this year but my visit here in Trinidad has been my best yet- relaxed and satisfying.

I needed to drop my expectations and enjoy the kids where they're at rather than think they should be any different. I fell into that trap when they started homeschooling using an approach of interest led learning and I wished their interests were different than they were and include more of what's important to me. Like I said I needed to get over myself and that took some work on my part. They're doing fine. Bottom line is that our relationships are what's most important to me. So, the pressure is off and we can all just do what we like to do and enjoy one another. Lots of board/ card/ computer games, walks, basketball games, cooking, crafts, reading, talking, etc. 

My grandson hugged me last night and said he wished I'd never go home and my granddaughter refused to smile in the above photo. Every moment can now be cherished rather than worried over. My choice. Of course. Good life lesson. 

Seize and Savor

Vacations these days mean time carved
with daughter and the grands
and sometimes just the grands.
Suits me now since they, too, want this.
Time will come when they won't,

so seize and savor is my motto.
Seize time with them, savor them
each time. Know that change
comes on any random day
and the chance is gone.

This is in response to Words Count with Mama Zen's prompt over at Imaginary Garden with Real Toads to write about vacations in less than 60 words. Her timing is remarkable since I leave in 7 days on vacation to join my daughter and two grands for 3 1/2 weeks (2 of those with just the grands) in Florida. Time to seize and savor.

Leaving Trinidad

Some photos as I end up my visit to Trinidad that I haven't yet shared but are fabulous favorites.

Newly hatched Little Hermit hummingbird (about the size of a raisin):

Taken on a hike:

Poinsettias growing wildly at a neighbors house.

A final portrait with the grands from a dinner by the sea:

Sunset photo with my daughter:

Giving river rock tattoos:

Water vine drink on my birthday hike to a waterfall I had never seen:

Cacao pods of various varieties:

Goodbye Trinidad and Tobago.

I'm in Florida for 10 days now to visit family and attend the wedding of my niece.

It's a Timeless Story

It's a timeless story
but so completely personal
that it feels like
mine alone, involves me
with these grands in a love affair
that's new even as they age,
each age better than the one before,
we play board games now and cards,
discuss, dance wildly, write, and when we write
it's a timeless story.


This is a Friday 55 in response to the prompt from Fireblossom at Imaginary Gardens with Real Toads to write a poem with the first and last line the same but with a different meaning. It's not as easy as it sounds.

Tobago, Last Day

Ten days alone with my grandchildren
for the first time. Their friends couldn't come,
they were disappointed, I wasn't.
On this last day together
we played in the pool, splashed
and invented games never known before.
They're ours now, silly, irreplaceable, part
of the stories we'll tell in the future.

I told them today that I can't do the dolphin kick
when I saw they can. Try this, Grandmother,
or this when they saw I till couldn't, or this. I'll show you,
I'll move your legs for you so you can feel it. Well,
you did one kick right, keep practicing, you'll get it.
It struck me that it's a gift to them to be bad at something
and they get to be the teachers. They admitted
they can't dive well and I could teach them.

We wrote poetry together and I learned
to let the poetry be about monsters when
I'd rather write about rain, and to listen better.
I wonder what their future will be, can't imagine it
really, it's theirs alone and indefinable.
I hold fear about it, about them in it,
about how to ready them, as if I could.
They're fine young people, they'll be fine adults.
That's their business, mine's to love them
and cheer them on. I do.


This is in response to Tashtoo over at dVerse Poets for Open Link Night who asks us to share our stories. This is mine this week.

Rain and Monsters

Dripping from the roof edge
the rain sounds like crystals falling
and when it's harder it's ice cubes pounding
like the drum in garage band.
Rain smells like water with one tiny touch of earth,
it makes the dog downstairs howl.
In one storm we had at home, the rain poured, thunder came
and the wind blew our orange tree down.
I like how it sounds on the metal roof when I'm in my bed.
Today, the wind blows cold, the clouds get dark
and in the west, where rain comes from, a rainbow appears.

My Granddaughter, age 6 1/2, wrote this and dictated it to me when it rained this morning.


My Grandson, age 10, wanted to do a poem about monsters. I tell him about the lune poem and we do a variation since it's easier for him to think in terms of words per line rather than syllables. He likes the result:
Weird Beasts

Awful ogres, trolls,
sphinxes, boggarts, goblins, dragons, chimeras -
weird, wonderful beasts.

A Poem by The Grands About Our Day

Our Day

Sunrise, sunset,
beautiful flowers, colorful butterflies,
the breeze soft against my skin,
the grass beneath my feet soft as cotton,
the sky is blue, the ocean seems new,
the songs of birds are noisy lullabies,
afternoon flowers scent the air.
We play together as a family.
Everybody in the world is family
and could play together.
I wish my friend was here but she can't be,
so I feel sad and say good-bye.
Let's swim!


Grandmother and the grands (ages 10 and 6 1/2)
I typed this as they dictated to me their poem about our day together in Tobago.

Making Memories

Both the grands wanted to visit the Magic Kingdom in Disney World first so off we went for a full day of memories. Seeing the world through 9 and 6 year old eyes is so utterly fun. It maybe too simplistic - hero or villain- or hold too few options- pirate or princess- but that's for adolescence to discover. For now, the grands loved every minute and I got into the magic of this particular kingdom: the shows, the characters, the rides (I was the designated roller coaster rider with my grandson and really liked that role!) and the amazing friendliness and attention to detail that Disney excels in. What a blast we had! Favorite rides for the 9 year old- Space Mt. and Thunder Mt., for the 6 year old- the Tea Cups and Splash Mt., favorite for them both together- Buzz Lightyear. My favorite- watching the grands thoroughly enjoy themselves. Oh, and me too.

A Funny Thing Happened on My Way to The Blog

Actually, I'm not entirely sure what did happen. Life happened, for sure, in all the ways that life has to absorb me. I have a particular habit of delving into the important thing of the moment and diving into it sometimes at the expense of other important things. I do it, I read and research about it, I talk about it, I want to hear from others about it. It's a laser focus that can get too narrow before I feel the mastery I like and resurface. Then I look around and see that more time has passed than I realized (loss of a sense of time is part of my narrow focus), I get genuinely amazed and I reconnect with what else is still important. Very important but now part of a bigger world for me.

I've been wrestling with whether or not to share this since I wish it were something more momentous or worthy somehow, even tragic, that has involved me, but instead I've been involved in the world of gaming. Specifically a game my grandson introduced me to called Dragonvale on the iPad. I was only able to blog sporadically anyway in dial up land where my daughter's family lives and where I spent two months. I had time available to live their life and to play. I'd been looking for a way to connect with my grandson in his great love for gaming but couldn't really understand his fascination with the ones I'd seen up until this game.

Dragonvale has it all- clearing Islands, building habitats, breeding dragons, including special or seasonal dragons, planting food to grow the dragons, landscaping and decorating the Islands, making decisions and planning for who, how and where to maximize finances to be able to best develop this world. I got obsessed, shut down other things, and thoroughly enjoyed this wonderful process of world building. It's graphically beautiful, highly imaginative and just plain fun. I talk to my grandson multiple times a week about our strategies and results, I email my niece who's also involved, even my daughter works with her son making dragon decisions and cheers us on.

Island 1:

Island 2:

Island 3:

Island 4:

But I look at my last post's date and can't quite believe this much time has passed. I've reached mastery in Dragonvale, I want to get back to writing. It's been too long and there's lots more to share. Gaming vs writing- oh god, does that make me shallow? Is it unseemly at my age? Oh well, there it is.

Are any other closet gamers out there?  How are you connecting with your grands?

Wildflowers and Waterfalls - The Perfect Birthday

Yesterday was my birthday, double 66's. My daughter, who lives here in Trinidad's Northern Rain Forest,  orchestrated a wonderful day for me and now that I have the magic combination of electricity, phone connection and internet all together, I wanted to share it with you.

The day started with what has been affectioately nicknamed "muffin bread"- made by my daughter, loved by my grands and now by me. Together with coffee and foamed milk, and a flower from the garden, it made for a good start to the day.

How about a drink made from flower petals boiled with cloves and fresh nutmeg from a tree nearby? It's sorrel, a popular beverage this time of year. It's a lovely jewel red color and I just love the whole idea of drinking flowers.

My birthday present from my daughter was a hike to a local waterfalls that I hadn't yet seen. My granddaughter accompanied us. Along the way my granddaughter picked wildflowers for me to make my birthday bouquet. She was excited by all the bright colors she found. I felt like a queen.

The destination of our hike was a series of five waterfalls reached by climbing up the river that connects them. We've had LOTS of rain since I arrived so the river is full and rushing with strong current. It meant that we had to scamper up rocks or bush to the side at times rather than always stay in the river. But I figured if my five year old granddaughter could do it so could I.

The reward for the challenging climb however was this beautiful sight, the fifth waterfalls, carved into a half moon cave and thunderous from recent rain. Our decision to bathe naked in the pool at the foot of the falls was modified somewhat, at least for me, when I felt the cold breeze blowing down the gorge. I backed into it as far as I could before getting too cold to continue. My daughter was far braver than I even through her screams.

A gorgeous, secluded spot. A perfect present. I felt exhilarated and rejuvenated. 

My granddaughter took this photo of me with my daughter at the top- sweaty, dirty, tied but very happy.

My second best present was this photo in the front yard with my grands, ages nine and a half and almost six. Their agreement to one smile a day in a photo was extra special on my special day. My daughter printed this and framed it for me to take home. Precious.

Add to this the fun of playing "Plants vs Zombies" with the grands and learning all kinds of new strategies, coloring with my granddaughter who is seriously into drawing and coloring these days, having home made pizza for lunch, my grands making brownies, the birthday treat I requested, sharing a delicious dinner made by my daughter from produce grown by her husband in their organic garden with three researchers living in a second house on their property who research the mating rituals of hermit hummingbirds and the lek- specific dialects they sing, and finally, in a rare occurrence, beating my daughter in Scrabble. 

I even connected to facebook and email long enough to be inundated with well wishes from around the world and an e card from my Honey. Perfect birthday. I feel loved and grateful for my life.

[Writing this in dial- up internet land is a long process that I am nevertheless glad to be able to do after my hiatus from blogging and my blog friends. The first post mysteriously disappeared when I changed the original title so I've added further details to this post in my eagerness to connect with you again.]

The Books You Love

Live for awhile in the books you love. Learn from them what is worth learning, but above all love them. This love will be returned to you a thousand times over. Whatever your life may become, these books—of this I am certain—will weave through the web of your unfolding. They will be among the strongest of all threads of your experiences, disappointments, and joys.

Viareggio, April 5, 1903

Letters to a Young Poet

Rilke

I just read the post on Synch-ro-ni-zng about Ruth's excitement of sharing wonderful books  with her yet to be born grandson. It's delightful with her choices and her joy and her anticipation. Memories of doing that with my grands flooded through me. Those exact books and more  and how much we loved them together and how we snuggled and they'd squeal or cry or laugh or beg to have it read again. And then this quote  of Rilke rang so true.  Because it keeps happening all through our lives.


Have books changed your life? Of course. Share them with your grands, or adopt a grand to read to or a whole Kindergarten class in your area. Pass this love on to the next generation. It will change their lives, too. 
Books "will weave through the  web of your unfolding" .

Final Vacation Photos

It's hard to post about all that went on in a month once it's all over. But here are some favorite photos of  special times jockeying for remembrance.

Best friends for 37 years! Imagine our conversations after all these years, first as young wives, mothers, grandmothers and now as elders conscientiously seeking our place in the scheme of things. Such a friendship nourishes and sustains me on my journey. Our children are friends as are our grandchildren. How very special. Thanks for your friendship, Cindy. Here's to many more years of memories and helping each other grow.

Our favorite get away spot in Perkins Cove, Maine.

As is this, tranquil and lovely on this quintessential summer, Maine day.

Speaking of Maine, my favorite lighthouse in my favorite park to run, walk, beach and hang out in - Portland Head Light in Fort Williams Park, Cape Elizabeth. It's 90 acres of beauty across the street from where I used to live.

Also in Cape Elizabeth is the Lobster Shack serving the best lobster rolls ever made in the most glorious setting imaginable on wooden picnic tables surrounded by rocks and ocean. Everyone gets mesmerized.

I visit there with my favorite diva, good friend, great shopping companion and hostess extraordinaire, Margaret and her husband, Malcolm. They opened a whole new world in introducing me to opera when I lived across the street from them. I've seen them perform professionally numerous times including in  Dusseldorf, Germany last year. A great example of friends who enrich my life.

Everyones mood is lightened in such a setting, where we get back to the basics of family, friends and sharing food. My daughter and the grands got the giggles while trying to cuddle on a chair made of stone.

Here's the best symbol of the love around my niece's wedding in Florida - the cupcakes! See how each one has a different, personal decoration meant to be meaningful to the loving couple. It was remarkable to watch each be decorated with such attention, care and love.

I love watching friendships develop at our family gatherings, first among my daughter and nieces, and also among my grandchildren and their cousins. Somehow I see this as a shoring up for them against life's vicissitudes. A strengthening of this singularly important ability, the ability to form lasting friendships.

To say nothing of having all those aunties are in your corner, loving, supporting and cheering you on.

Cheering all accomplishments, including my great- nephew, who is on the autistic spectrum, learning to ride a bike by himself, without training wheels, while we were together. Was he proud of himself! Were we proud of him! Way to go, TJ!

There's lots to be grateful for. Sometimes it's good to review the photos and the memories and actually count those blessings. It's a long list...


What's top on your gratitude list?

Lots Can Happen in a month

It's a month since my last post and it was a month full of travel and celebrations. Returning to Maine where I lived for 5 1/2 years, I met up with friends, including a couple I've been friends with for 37 years. My daughter and the grands met me there and I basked in the incomparable luxury of time together.

We celebrated my father's 95th birthday in Boston. Dad is 95 but healthy, mentally sharp and still dancing! He's my aging mentor. He's also the one who taught me about the importance of nutritious food and exercise, and this was before that came to the national consciousness. I was the only school kid in the 1950's with whole wheat, pumpernickel or rye instead of white bread, which he wouldn't let in the house. I was also the kid with no added sugar on anything, drinking non-fat milk and walking my little legs off regularly. Guess he was right all along.

He was recognized with proclamations from President Obama, the Massachusetts Governor, his city's Mayor, Senator Kerry, the Boston Fire Department (35 year career) and the US Army for service in WW II. My brother wasn't able to confirm that Dad is the oldest living Boston Fire Fighter, but he might be. His sister  and some cousins I hadn't seen in years as well as all six great-grandchildren were there to add to the fun. Good food, music and non-stop gabbing rounded out the party and made it such a joyous day.

Happy birthday, Dad. Keep dancing!

Next was another birthday. My grandson turned 9 and had a big party in Florida. His requests? Ice cream cake, Nerf Guns, pizza and a movie. We got it all in during our 3 1/2 weeks together and more besides. He's a great kid, tender with his younger sister (mostly!), and surprisingly aware of and gentle to the two new babies added to our family's grandchildren generation. He's becoming skilled in games he has downloaded to my iPad and took advantage of wi-fi access that he doesn't have in his rain forest home to get even better.

I love seeing the four "older" cousins (9, 8, 6 1/2, 5 1/2) grow their friendships with one another in these yearly visits despite living so far apart. The two little ones met their cousins this year and the two year old played in the pool with the older ones to her heart's content. The five month old just sat like Budha and received kisses and hugs galore.

Happy birthday, sweet boy.

Love was in the air for the next event intoxicating all within its reach.  In a simple and beautiful ceremony, my niece pledged her love to the woman who will be her life partner. They received the good wishes and blessings of their families and just floated around in their love bubble for the week. Blending the two families in this relaxed setting proved to be delightfully easy. We kicked up our heels, talked and enjoyed one another's company as if we had been friends for years. Left me wanting more. I like that feeling and was grateful to my sister-in-law for opening her large, warm home and pool deck to us all. Her hospitality and generosity made it possible. She's my teacher.

Congratulations, Dear Ones.

Our eighth annual Gathering of the young women in our family happened next since everyone was in town for the wedding. I'll write more about this extraordinary event since it lives in my heart as my most important contribution to the well being of my family, my daughter, my grandchildren, my amazing nieces and my beloved sister-in-law.

We celebrate something each year and this year it was our challenges. Sharing them with each other lightened the load of carrying them and inspired admiration for the way each is managing theirs.  The common, humbling theme ended up being how to discover who we are and what we're meant to do at all our various life stages. Deeper closeness and friendships follow as we walk this sacred path together.  I love these women! I'm so grateful for them in my life.

As if all that wasn't enough, the day after we returned to Italy my husband and I celebrated our 38th anniversary. Bless John's heart, he actually got up on the 11th, looked at me and said: "You really don't know what day today is, do you?". "Oh, is it our anniversary?" said I figuring it had to be something big and it's August so it must be our anniversary. There were just too many places, events and people for the month and I lost track! So we had a very low key celebration of the incredible great grace that is our relationship.  He made a lovely salmon meal and we ate on our balcony in the balmy weather of summer in our little corner of the world.

I love life with this sweet man who still makes me laugh out loud. Happy anniversary, my Love.

My heart is full. I'm glad to be home to savor all that has happened. I missed my blog friends and look forward to catching up.