Closing out the Decade and Plunging into the Next

I turned 69 a week ago, the last year of my 60's and prelude to my 70's. My 60's have been the decade of great adventures: moved to Antigua and then Italy, retired from my nursing profession, started running with a marathon and five half marathons so far, started writing with this blog, traveled around Italy and Europe with my Honey and spent my birthdays in Trinidad with my daughter, her husband and the grands celebrating with a hike to a place I haven't yet been. Great adventures brought expansion of my world view from international living, the satisfaction of successfully cleared hurdles from growing to love a new sport, the inspiration of exposure to the writers of world-wide blogs, the fun of doing writing I like, thought I couldn't do and improving at it, the awe of exposure to astounding works of art, architecture and more of the world's natural beauty and the exhilaration of tackling and overcoming long-held fears from challenging hikes (including the above plunge off an 8-10 foot ledge last Sunday which felt like 20!). 

There's no way, of course, to know what awaits me in my 70's but I've made some decisions that will tilt towards what I hope for. We're selling our house in Italy to move back to the states to be closer to family, I'll join a running group that includes elders who love to run, keep writing this blog but with a new perspective from being further along the journey and dive into the  life of the diverse community I hope to move to. In this first decade I've stepped into elderhood and found my footing as an elder. In the next decade I'd like to take all that I've received and use it to be of service to my tribe. I can't know how but it will become apparent if I pay attention. 

If the 60's are the youth of elderhood where we make the transition, try out new ways of being, keep what fits and discard what doesn't, then the the 70's are the middle years where we can use who we've become to serve the needs of family and community but with the added wisdom accrued. I'm eager to close this decade gracefully and plunge into the next.

This is My Brick

"We pave the sunlit path toward justice toether, brick by brick. This is my brick."

Tim Cook, CEO of Apple

If Tim Cook's brick is his announcement of being gay and the support that that might give someone else, what is my brick? I was going to say apart from raising a daughter to be a thriving woman, mother and environmentalist. But maybe Kelly is my brick even if her outcome is in her hands now. From the moment of her birth, when she first looked around in her old soul kind of way and I breathed in the scent of her, I was utterly and hopelessly in love with her. Her announcement when she was barely three and disagreed with something I said that I should think my thoughts and she would think her thoughts put me on alert that mothering Kelly would have its challenges. 

I can't take credit for her since she was so inner directed from the beginning, such her own force of nature not looking for much direction from me. But being her mother was deeply satisfying, great fun and a unique source of growth for me as a woman. Still is. It's her birthday today. (For the next month and a half until my birthday, my Dad is 98, I'm 68, Kelly is 38 and my granddaughter, Kamala, is 8.) I used to marvel when she was young because she wouldn't hesitate to tell someone what she thought or give them advice even if they were older. She had that clear thinking and confidence. It was the beginning manifestation of her wisdom.

If we're paving a sunlit path toward justice together then my daughter is a vital brick in that path. The justice of saving the rain forest, the justice of interracial harmony, the justice of attachment parenting and educating children based on their interests and inner drives. Plus, she plays a wicked game of Scrabble. I only began her trajectory but she has flown far and true and built a life based on her values. I admire her for that and feel grateful to be her mother. I'm glad we've done the (occasionally) hard work needed to change and solidify our relationship as adults. I love that we're friends and part of each other's lives. Happy Birthday, Sweetheart, I'm really glad you were born.

On a Lighter Note: Birthdays, Waterfalls and a 68 Shaped Cake

The tradition continues for my daughter to accompany me to a new waterfall each year on my birthday. This year's is the Ortinola Waterfalls, a cascading waterfall in the Maracas Valley. The day stayed sunny for our walk as it crisscrossed the river that led to this lovely spot. The many levels of this kind of waterfall invite exploration and wonder.

My granddaughter made brownies (my favorite), cut them in pieces to form a 68, added candles and then both grands carried out their surprise singing Happy Birthday. Made my day even more special. 

It capped off my annual retreat, regroup, rethink time that nourishes and energizies me for the coming year. I like having a birthday in January for just this purpose. 2014 promises to be an eventful year galloping along on horse energy after the inward energy year of the snake.

Won't You Celebrate With Me - Lucile Clifton

won't you celebrate with me

BY LUCILLE CLIFTON

won't you celebrate with me

what i have shaped into

a kind of life? i had no model.

born in babylon

both nonwhite and woman

what did i see to be except myself?

i made it up

here on this bridge between

starshine and clay,

my one hand holding tight

my other hand; come celebrate

with me that everyday

something has tried to kill me

and has failed.

I offer this wonderful poem by Lucile Clifton on my birthday and invite you to celebrate with me. With obvious differences we, nonetheless, also make up our life here between starshine and clay. We are shaping a kind of life with no model as the largest cohort of women elders yet. I was born in the first month of the first year of the baby boomers and we'll be a force to be reckoned with if we choose. Let's choose well and wisely. I'm excited about this prospect of building with you an elder culture; how fortunate we are. I'm grateful for life. 

Retreat Day

My daughter and her family are away today so I'm taking a retreat day to myself. I've hiked to the top of a nearby hill where there's a palm roofed structure open on all sides to shelter in out of the sun and occasional showers. The only sound is the wind and all it rustles and birds galore whose names I mostly don't know except for the peculiar echoing knock of a bell bird. The layers of hills in the distance display all shades of green in this lush rain forest environment. The breeze goes from warm against my skin to cool as the clouds scurry in to drop their rain and move on over the next ridge. Bits of wild flowers dot the area with color. Two old copper pots, huge and once used to roast cacao beans on now abandoned estates, are filled with water, small fish and water lilies to give them new purpose. A stream flowing down in a waterfall froths over rocks at its base in a gully by the house on this property. A flock of wild parrots  flies by squawking ferociously, voices so at odds with their beautifully colored plumage.

I've come to be alone and ask questions that need to be re-examined near my birthday. Who am I, what do I want to be doing, where do I want to be? The other vital question of with whom do I want to be has long since been answered, a sure base of love in my life. I realize in the tranquility I feel that the questions are being answered in deep ways that will become manifest as I pay attention to myself, my Honey and what opens up to us. Already I've felt the shift into an elder's identity, still on the journey but further along and in communication with more elder peers.

The morning blue sky has given way to afternoon gray. Clouds moved in and I can hear rain in the distance as it closes the gap between where it is and me. The rain is more immediate here as it pelts the fronds just over my head. As rain quickly slows, fog spills over the hills in back of me looking like it comes from the clouds themselvesthemselves. It's a lovely place. Its peace flows into me. I realize that this was the real agenda for today.


(I'm publishing this today even though it happened a few days ago because I just finished putting it all together. Such days are delightfully re-creative.)

Six-Word Stories For Kelly

"You
think your
thoughts. Me mine."

Knew
I'm outnumbered
by this one.

"Tell
me words."
Hungry for words.

Report
card reported:
a social butterfly.

Her
version: "I
know that stuff."

Small,
but tried
all sports possible.

Swam
with the
big girls. Friends.

College,
found ecology,
never looked back.

Ireland
semester, mind-
expander, life- changer.

Trinidad
rain forest,
and then Carl.

Mother,
follows deeper
rhythms, pays attention.

Two
children adore
her. Why not?


Today is my daughter's birthday. Continuing with the six-word stories, these are about her at various stages of life starting at age three when after an argument with me she announced, hands on hips: "You think your thoughts and I'll think mine." I knew I was in trouble! I enjoyed the process of trying to distil a few of her stories into their essentials. Happy Birthday, Kelly. I love and admire you. I'm glad you were born.

Happy Sixth Birthday

My granddaughter just turned six which got me searching through the photos of our recent time together. They illustrate diverse aspects of her personality and the reasons I'm so utterly in love with her.

Six of my favorite things about this lovely, dear child:

1. She confidently walks her own path in her own way. She reminds me of her mother in that way which makes my heart happy.

2. She's always up for grand adventures.

3. She likes going to the beach, likes to run and likes to swim after diving wholeheartedly into whatever water is available. It's how she lives her life, too, come to think about it.

4. She likes to play with dolls (and wear aprons and make a pretty tote bag) and lets me play with her.

5. She likes art- drawing, using pencil crayons and painting with vibrant colors. Her creativity extends to  clothes designing and we have such fun doing this together. My mother, her great grandmother, loved clothes and fabric, designed and made clothes for me throughout my childhood, and had a keen eye for color and design. It brings me great pleasure to see this sense burgeoning in my granddaughter.

6. She picked my birthday bouquet while we were on one of our adventures. She's surprisingly thoughtful that way.

It's hard to stop since there's also her zany sense of fun, like wearing a butterfly crown in the belief that she's really a princess, or putting stickers everywhere including on her grandfather's iPhone, or wearing tattoos wherever anyone will draw them on her, or leaving little love notes where I can find them and have my heart warmed…

If the child is mother of the woman, she's on a good path. She brings a unique mixture of her ancestors expressed in a sassy but sweet self.  May her journey contain all that she needs to grow into her full,  beautiful self and offer her the ways to share her gifts with the sweet face of mother earth. Earth needs her gifts.

Wildflowers and Waterfalls - The Perfect Birthday

Yesterday was my birthday, double 66's. My daughter, who lives here in Trinidad's Northern Rain Forest,  orchestrated a wonderful day for me and now that I have the magic combination of electricity, phone connection and internet all together, I wanted to share it with you.

The day started with what has been affectioately nicknamed "muffin bread"- made by my daughter, loved by my grands and now by me. Together with coffee and foamed milk, and a flower from the garden, it made for a good start to the day.

How about a drink made from flower petals boiled with cloves and fresh nutmeg from a tree nearby? It's sorrel, a popular beverage this time of year. It's a lovely jewel red color and I just love the whole idea of drinking flowers.

My birthday present from my daughter was a hike to a local waterfalls that I hadn't yet seen. My granddaughter accompanied us. Along the way my granddaughter picked wildflowers for me to make my birthday bouquet. She was excited by all the bright colors she found. I felt like a queen.

The destination of our hike was a series of five waterfalls reached by climbing up the river that connects them. We've had LOTS of rain since I arrived so the river is full and rushing with strong current. It meant that we had to scamper up rocks or bush to the side at times rather than always stay in the river. But I figured if my five year old granddaughter could do it so could I.

The reward for the challenging climb however was this beautiful sight, the fifth waterfalls, carved into a half moon cave and thunderous from recent rain. Our decision to bathe naked in the pool at the foot of the falls was modified somewhat, at least for me, when I felt the cold breeze blowing down the gorge. I backed into it as far as I could before getting too cold to continue. My daughter was far braver than I even through her screams.

A gorgeous, secluded spot. A perfect present. I felt exhilarated and rejuvenated. 

My granddaughter took this photo of me with my daughter at the top- sweaty, dirty, tied but very happy.

My second best present was this photo in the front yard with my grands, ages nine and a half and almost six. Their agreement to one smile a day in a photo was extra special on my special day. My daughter printed this and framed it for me to take home. Precious.

Add to this the fun of playing "Plants vs Zombies" with the grands and learning all kinds of new strategies, coloring with my granddaughter who is seriously into drawing and coloring these days, having home made pizza for lunch, my grands making brownies, the birthday treat I requested, sharing a delicious dinner made by my daughter from produce grown by her husband in their organic garden with three researchers living in a second house on their property who research the mating rituals of hermit hummingbirds and the lek- specific dialects they sing, and finally, in a rare occurrence, beating my daughter in Scrabble. 

I even connected to facebook and email long enough to be inundated with well wishes from around the world and an e card from my Honey. Perfect birthday. I feel loved and grateful for my life.

[Writing this in dial- up internet land is a long process that I am nevertheless glad to be able to do after my hiatus from blogging and my blog friends. The first post mysteriously disappeared when I changed the original title so I've added further details to this post in my eagerness to connect with you again.]

Lots Can Happen in a month

It's a month since my last post and it was a month full of travel and celebrations. Returning to Maine where I lived for 5 1/2 years, I met up with friends, including a couple I've been friends with for 37 years. My daughter and the grands met me there and I basked in the incomparable luxury of time together.

We celebrated my father's 95th birthday in Boston. Dad is 95 but healthy, mentally sharp and still dancing! He's my aging mentor. He's also the one who taught me about the importance of nutritious food and exercise, and this was before that came to the national consciousness. I was the only school kid in the 1950's with whole wheat, pumpernickel or rye instead of white bread, which he wouldn't let in the house. I was also the kid with no added sugar on anything, drinking non-fat milk and walking my little legs off regularly. Guess he was right all along.

He was recognized with proclamations from President Obama, the Massachusetts Governor, his city's Mayor, Senator Kerry, the Boston Fire Department (35 year career) and the US Army for service in WW II. My brother wasn't able to confirm that Dad is the oldest living Boston Fire Fighter, but he might be. His sister  and some cousins I hadn't seen in years as well as all six great-grandchildren were there to add to the fun. Good food, music and non-stop gabbing rounded out the party and made it such a joyous day.

Happy birthday, Dad. Keep dancing!

Next was another birthday. My grandson turned 9 and had a big party in Florida. His requests? Ice cream cake, Nerf Guns, pizza and a movie. We got it all in during our 3 1/2 weeks together and more besides. He's a great kid, tender with his younger sister (mostly!), and surprisingly aware of and gentle to the two new babies added to our family's grandchildren generation. He's becoming skilled in games he has downloaded to my iPad and took advantage of wi-fi access that he doesn't have in his rain forest home to get even better.

I love seeing the four "older" cousins (9, 8, 6 1/2, 5 1/2) grow their friendships with one another in these yearly visits despite living so far apart. The two little ones met their cousins this year and the two year old played in the pool with the older ones to her heart's content. The five month old just sat like Budha and received kisses and hugs galore.

Happy birthday, sweet boy.

Love was in the air for the next event intoxicating all within its reach.  In a simple and beautiful ceremony, my niece pledged her love to the woman who will be her life partner. They received the good wishes and blessings of their families and just floated around in their love bubble for the week. Blending the two families in this relaxed setting proved to be delightfully easy. We kicked up our heels, talked and enjoyed one another's company as if we had been friends for years. Left me wanting more. I like that feeling and was grateful to my sister-in-law for opening her large, warm home and pool deck to us all. Her hospitality and generosity made it possible. She's my teacher.

Congratulations, Dear Ones.

Our eighth annual Gathering of the young women in our family happened next since everyone was in town for the wedding. I'll write more about this extraordinary event since it lives in my heart as my most important contribution to the well being of my family, my daughter, my grandchildren, my amazing nieces and my beloved sister-in-law.

We celebrate something each year and this year it was our challenges. Sharing them with each other lightened the load of carrying them and inspired admiration for the way each is managing theirs.  The common, humbling theme ended up being how to discover who we are and what we're meant to do at all our various life stages. Deeper closeness and friendships follow as we walk this sacred path together.  I love these women! I'm so grateful for them in my life.

As if all that wasn't enough, the day after we returned to Italy my husband and I celebrated our 38th anniversary. Bless John's heart, he actually got up on the 11th, looked at me and said: "You really don't know what day today is, do you?". "Oh, is it our anniversary?" said I figuring it had to be something big and it's August so it must be our anniversary. There were just too many places, events and people for the month and I lost track! So we had a very low key celebration of the incredible great grace that is our relationship.  He made a lovely salmon meal and we ate on our balcony in the balmy weather of summer in our little corner of the world.

I love life with this sweet man who still makes me laugh out loud. Happy anniversary, my Love.

My heart is full. I'm glad to be home to savor all that has happened. I missed my blog friends and look forward to catching up.

And Now You're Five

In celebration of your birthday, my darling granddaughter,
I wanted to tell you:

5 things that I love about you.

1. I love your sweet serenity which reminds me of your Mom.

2. I love your feisty, mischievous side and your bright, sunny smile that lights up your face.

Did you know that your Dad has that same kind of smile?

3. I love your funny faces. And that you always add a touch of
glamor with jewelry or "chains" as you call your necklaces.
It's a charming combination!
Did you know I love to dress up, too?

4. I love your cute sense of style that makes me laugh. 

Did you know that your great grandmother was a stylish lady, too?

5. I love how at home you are in water and have been
since you were a baby.What great times we've had together
in the pool, the river and the ocean.

 Did you know that your, grandfather and both great grandfathers
love swimming, too?

And my 5 birthday wishes for you:

1. Your smile lights up my heart. 

I wish for you a year filled with smiles.

2. Your beautiful eyes are a gift from your other grandmother.
Eyes are said to be the windows of the soul and yours is lovely. 

I wish for you a year where your soul is nourished deeply.

3. You've grown to be such a fun girl with a thirst for
adventure and an athletic spirit. 

I wish for you a year of adventures that grow your muscles strong.

4. And now you're a student, smart and excited about learning. You dived
into reading and can't get enough of books. 

I wish for you a year where your love of learning and books
 grows and grows.

5. You tell your Mom every day how to fix your hair and you try out different styles when you dress. 

I wish for you a year of growing confidence in your opinions and your willingness to share them.

Did you know that you are very much like your Mom
when she was your age?

Happy Birthday, five year old. I'm glad you were born to our family. 

Being your grandmother is a kick. I love you.